Staring at a Crooked Crown
by rachhudson
Summary: Not only does she have to promote this sure-to-be atrocity of a young adult novel, she has to work with Finn Hudson of all people. Today is definitely a terrible day. AU, based on a prompt at finchel-prompts!
1. wasting away like a silver screen cliche

**hello! this is going to be a multi-chaptered story based on the 'project partners' prompt at finchel-prompts! hopefully finn and rachel are still mostly in character, but finn may seem a little off at the beginning based on the nature of the prompt. **

**the plan is to update this story every sunday! **

**dedicated to the lovely miss mary gael as always**

**title comes from 'honey' by the hush sound, chapter title from 'actors' by all time low**

* * *

**Staring at a Crooked Crown**

_chapter one: wasting away like a silver screen cliché_

It's not her dream job, to say the least, working at a publishing house, but it pays the bills and it's not too terrible. She at least gets to say she works with her best friend, Tina.

Publishing is more of Tina's passion than Rachel's, but she hooked her up with this job when she was a poor college student looking for work, and now, four years later, she's still here. The salary is good, though, and the work isn't anything too terrible, so she's relatively happy with where she is currently.

She doesn't want this to end up being long term though. She has bigger dreams than working in a publishing house, dreams that involve her name up in lights. She did major in musical theater in college, after all.

She just has no idea how to make her dreams a reality, so she's working at the publishing house for the foreseeable future.

She's shaken from her reverie by the beeping sound of her coffee maker, and she curses, springing up out of her chair, the wooden legs scraping against the linoleum kitchen floor. She glances at the clock on the microwave. If she wants to get to work on time, she needs to leave in five minutes, and she still hasn't done her makeup or brushed her teeth.

Her phone rings, and she glances down to see Tina's name on the screen.

"Can't talk now," she answers, hurriedly pouring the coffee into a styrofoam cup. "I'm kind of behind schedule."

She hears Tina sigh. "Well, you know we have a huge meeting this morning, so don't cut it too close, Rach!"

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Rachel assures her. Then she hangs up, spills some hot coffee on her hand, and promptly drops her phone, which falls to the ground with a clatter.

She hisses in pain, rushing over to the sink.

Today is turning out to be _terrible_, and she's sure it's about to become worse.

* * *

She's _so_ late. Her coffee's about to spill out of the styrofoam cup as she practically dashes into the building, her heels clacking on the tile floor.

"Hold the elevator!" she calls out. It's apparently to no avail as she sees the doors sliding shut, so she picks up her pace, and she skids inside just in time.

She lets out a breath of relief, adjusting her bag on her shoulder and taking a celebratory sip of her coffee.

"Cutting it a little close this morning, aren't we, Berry?"

Rachel sighs, contemplating banging her head against the wall of the elevator. "Hudson," she acknowledges through clenched teeth. She glances over at him to see he's smirking.

"You know, that skirt makes your ass look stunning."

She rolls her eyes, trying to keep herself from blushing.

Finn Hudson is the thorn in her side, and sadly, he's been working here for nearly as long as she has. He's slept with over half the girls in the office, and he objectifies her every chance he gets. She figures it's because he _knows_ she won't give in to his wily pursuit of her.

She knows how guys like Finn work anyway – they hump and dump, and she's not just some booty call.

Finn raises an eyebrow. "What, no witty remarks about how misogynistic I am today, Berry?"

She gives him a sarcastic smile. "Seems like you already know what I'm going to say."

He winks at her. "I love our witty repartee."

She snorts. "This is _not_ 'witty repartee.' Witty repartee is what goes on between Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy, not you complimenting my ass so you can get in my pants."

"Don't they end up together in the end?" Finn asks, his eyes twinkling.

She just huffs, rolling her eyes again.

Thankfully, the elevator dings then, and she practically sprints out of the elevator, Finn not far behind. She nearly runs into Tina, who says, exasperatedly, "_There_ you are! The meeting's starting, Rachel, we've gotta _go_!"

She grabs her arm, guiding her toward the big conference room in the corner of the office. Rachel doesn't even have time to drop her bag off in her cubicle, so she just dutifully lets Tina drag her along.

They find a couple of seats in the second row, and Will Schuester, the head of the office, is already at the whiteboard in the front of the room. After everyone piles in, he shuts the door, surveying the room.

He smiles. "Good morning, everybody! How we feelin' this morning?"

There's a few murmurs around the room, and Rachel just shares a look with Tina. Will's little too peppy in the mornings, and that's coming from _her_, a professed morning person. (This morning, however, is an exception.)

Will goes through the itinerary for the day as well as the bigger plans for the month, and Rachel tries desperately to stay awake. Tina's taking notes furiously beside her, and Rachel wishes she could find this as interesting as she does. Publishing just doesn't cut it for her.

"And I'm excited to announce that our big project for this quarter will be coming up with a promotional campaign for the exciting new young adult novel _Love Bites_ by Emma Pillsbury!"

There's a round of applause then, and Will motions for the room to quiet down. "Yes, very exciting, very exciting!"

Rachel just rolls her eyes. _Great_. Another teen vampire novel. Just what the publishing industry needs. What happened to good books, like _Pride and Prejudice_ or _Anna Karenina_? What happened to a story that _meant something_, that was original? She knows books like that come from a different era, obviously, but she doesn't think it's so farfetched that the same themes and concepts could be applied to today's literature.

"Anyway," Will's saying once everyone quiets down, "the campaign will be led by two of our finest employees, Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson. I'm sure they'll do a wonderful job."

Rachel's frozen. Did Will just say her name? As well as _Finn Hudson_?

She glances to her left to see him smirking a few seats down, and she gulps. She feels a headache coming on already.

"Can't wait to work with you, Rach," he says. "I have _so_ many ideas."

She gives him a sarcastic smile. "Can't wait," she mutters. Her stomach churns.

"On to the next order of business…" Rachel blocks Will out, because she thinks she might be sick. Not only does she have to promote this sure-to-be atrocity of a young adult novel, she has to work with _Finn Hudson_ of all people.

Today is definitely a terrible day.

* * *

She's been staring blankly at her computer screen for nearly an hour.

She flipped through the rough draft of _Love Bites_ Will gave her once she got back to her cubicle, and she could tell just by the first chapter that this book is complete and utter _bullshit_ – another girl falling in love with a vampire, basically the staple of teenage novels today.

She would frankly rather sew her eyelids shut than have to read this book, let alone _promote_ it with _Finn Hudson_.

She's just about to bang her head against her desk when Tina pokes her head over the wall of her cubicle.

"Hey," she says quietly. "How you doin'?"

Rachel just glares at her. "This book," she says slowly, empathetically, "is _stupid_. And not only is the book stupid, but I have to work on this stupid _project_ with _Finn Hudson_, the actual bane of my existence!" She sighs exasperatedly, rubbing her temple.

She sees Tina bite her lip sympathetically.

"Well, you know, maybe this will be a great experience!"

Rachel looks at her in disbelief.

"Or – or not!" Tina backtracks. "But isn't life what you make it, ultimately?"

"Tina, _please_ stop talking," Rachel says evenly, opening up her e-mail.

"I'm just saying that maybe you're assuming things will go badly when they'll be fine, Rach. I mean, maybe Finn isn't so bad after all! Maybe you just haven't had a chance to properly get to know him!"

Rachel scoffs. "Tina, I don't _need_ to get to know him. I've known _tons_ of guys like him. He's all about hook ups and one night stands and afraid of commitment. He's hooked up with _over _half of the women in this office! Not to mention he seems to have a complete lack of work ethic, yet somehow he's the golden boy around here when I _know_ I put _way_ more into this job than he does!" She takes a deep breath in, essentially to calm herself. "There are literally _thousands_ of guys like him, and I don't want anything to do with them." She frowns as she opens the newest message in her e-mail account. "And great, now I have to go meet with Finn about the course of this project this afternoon!"

She sighs again, putting her head in her hands.

"Well," Tina says, "maybe if you look on the bright side—"

Rachel cuts her off with a glare.

"Fine!" Tina says with a huff. "Be negative, see if I care!" She disappears then, and Rachel's once again all alone in her cubicle.

She reads back through the e-mail. _I'm sure you and Finn will get along swimmingly and make this marketing campaign the best it can be!_

She snorts. Fat chance.

* * *

She finds herself in one of the smaller meeting rooms with Finn after her lunch break. It's just the two of them, and they've been sitting in awkward silence for five minutes.

"So…" Finn begins. "Did you look over the book?"

She nods.

"It's shit," he says.

She hates to admit that they actually _agree on something_, so she just says, "Will seems to think quite highly of it."

Finn snorts. "Yeah, well, he also thought highly of that book about the serial killing rabbit, and look at how well _that_ one did."

Rachel has to try really hard to bite back a smile, but she manages. "Well, like it or not, we have to not only read this book, but figure out how to promote it as well." She sighs, glancing over some paperwork in front of her. "When does Will want this done by?"

"Next month," Finn says.

Rachel groans.

"Not up to the task, Berry?" he asks, flashing her a wicked grin.

She sets her mouth in a firm line. "You wish, Hudson. Unlike you, when I'm assigned a task, not only do I get it done, but I get it done to the best of my ability."

His grin only widens as he says, "Oh, I promise you I get things done as well." He waggles his eyebrows, and she scoffs.

"You're disgusting," she tells him pointedly, "and if you're done making juvenile innuendos, I'd like to actually get started on this project."

"Should we take turns reading aloud?" Finn deadpans.

Rachel glares at him. "We could start by looking at other campaigns done for similar novels, as background research, and then read the book before our next meeting."

Finn groans. "You're giving me _homework_, Berry?"

She rolls her eyes. "If you want to think of it that way, then yes, I suppose I am."

He sighs exasperatedly, tipping backward in his chair. She hopes he falls. "Well then, I guess all I can do is hope that the teacher finds it in her best interest to reward me once the job is done." He has the audacity to _wink_ at her, and she just stares stonily in reply.

"I'm not sleeping with you, Finn," she replies, her voice monotone. She makes to get up then, gathering her things and putting them back in her bag.

"Just you wait and see," he says with another smirk, and she has to resist the urge to walk over and punch him.

Instead, she takes a deep breath, and she leaves the room, Finn calling out, "Told you that skirt makes your ass look nice!" behind her.

* * *

"It's going to be a nightmare, Tina," Rachel finishes, shoving some more vegan ice cream into her mouth.

Tina just watches sympathetically, her own spoon lodged in her tub of cookie dough ice cream. "Well, is the book any good at least?"

Rachel rolls her eyes. "I haven't actually started it yet, but it's another one of those 'teenage girl falls in love with centuries old vampire' novels, so I'm gonna go with no."

"Don't judge a book by its cover," Tin practically sings. Rachel just shovels more ice cream into her mouth. This is why Tina is cut out for publishing and she's not: She actually thinks of these things and hopes for the best when she opens up a new book to read.

"That could go for Finn, too, you know," Tina says carefully.

Rachel snorts. "Doubt it. And anyways, isn't this supposed to be girls' night? So why are we talking about guys?"

Tina just sighs, but she goes back to her ice cream.

Rachel flips on the television, trying to find some crappy reality show to keep her mind off the book she doesn't want to read, the campaign she doesn't want to put together, and the guy she definitely doesn't want to work with.

She knows you can't always get what you want, but she figured she wouldn't get quite so many crappy things in her life at one time. It seems that's not the case.

This next month is sure to be the worst month of her life.

* * *

**thanks so much for reading and if you want to review, that'd be awesome!**


	2. how long will you make me wait

**oh wow thanks so much for all the feedback already! really, i am so flattered, and i appreciate each and every one of you!**

**i'm just now going into college and have never worked in a publishing company, so i apologize for any inaccuracies, but i would like to think that now every company operates in the exact same way anyway, so just think of this one as slightly different ;)**

**title of this chapter is from 'to whom it may concern' by the civil wars**

* * *

**Staring at a Crooked Crown**

_chapter two: how long will you make me wait_

She finishes the book in two days, and it's okay, but it definitely doesn't stray too far from the centuries old vampire falls for the "claims she's not but actually is attractive" human girl plot line.

"Books like these are setting back feminism by about fifty years, Tina, it's ridiculous," Rachel rants when they're getting off the elevator on Wednesday morning. "I mean, this girl is practically giving up her _life_ for some guy, what's that teaching today's young women? That you need a man in order to be happy?"

"_I_ think it's romantic," Tina says pointedly.

Rachel just rolls her eyes.

"Hey, Berry, I actually needed to talk to you."

She looks over to see Finn as well as Noah Puckerman, his best friend and resident womanizer in the office, standing by the coffee maker.

"Yes, Hudson?" Tina keeps walking to her cubicle, seemingly oblivious.

"You finish the book yet?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

Rachel sighs. "Sadly, yes."

"Yeah, me, too. What about that sex scene?"

She resists the urge to roll her eyes again. _Of course_ that's the scene in the novel he would focus on. "I've read better," she says instead with a shrug, and Noah's jaw drops.

"Holy fucking shit," he breathes, nudging Finn in the side.

Finn just smirks before saying, "Well, we should probably get together to figure out how exactly how we're going to market this book as something other than… well, a piece of shit."

Rachel swallows the giggle that threatens to spill from her mouth, pursing her lips and nodding instead. "Yes, I suppose so," she allows.

"My place or yours?" he asks with a toothy smile.

"Mine," she says grudgingly. "But I should get to work now, so maybe we'll at least have a starting place this evening and we'll have to spend less time together, because that's obviously the best case scenario—"

"What time?"

"Seven sharp," she says over her shoulder as she begins to walk to her work space.

"Great, then it's a date!" he calls after her. She freezes.

Mercedes from reception looks up, eyebrows raised, and half her coworkers are watching now as well.

Rachel turns around, breathing in sharply through her nose. "This is _not_ a date," she hisses.

Finn has the audacity to _wink_ at her, saying, "We'll see about that" before turning and walking in the opposite direction.

Rachel stands, frozen for a moment, her rage consuming her. Every little thing he does somehow rubs her the wrong way. She unclenches her fists, taking a deep breath before turning on her heel and marching to her cubicle.

Once inside, she turns on her computer, setting her bag down on the desk, leafing through it until she finds the first draft copy of _Love Bites_. She angrily slams it on her desk, tapping her fingers atop it impatiently while her e-mail loads.

"Hey, Rach—"

"What?" she snaps, swiveling her chair to the entrance of the cubicle.

She immediately blanches at the sight of Tina's wide, shocked eyes. "Rough morning?"

Rachel sighs. "You have no idea."

"Well, on the bright side, Will gave me a copy of _Love Bites_ to read, isn't that exciting? Actually, he's having the entire office read it."

Rachel furrows her brow. He's never made _everyone_ read a book before, so she wonders why now. This book obviously isn't anything special.

"Apparently the author herself is coming in next week to give us a little seminar on it, can you believe it?" Tina clasps her hands excitedly, and Rachel feels like banging her head on her desk.

"How do you know?" she finds herself asking instead.

"Oh, Will sent out an office wide e-mail."

Rachel glances over at her computer screen, where her e-mail has now fully loaded, and sure enough, the first message is from Will Schuester with the subject line reading 'Special Assignment Due to Surprise Guest!'.

"Great," Rachel mutters. "Absolutely perfect."

"Hey, maybe you can ask her about her ideas for advertisement, make your job a little easier!" Tina points out with a wide smile.

Rachel gives her a tight smile back. She doesn't tell Tina that that would actually probably not be a good idea, because how could a person who wrote such a cliché of a book actually know anything about marketing, let alone how to market something successfully?

"Yeah," she just says instead, "maybe."

"Well, I should be heading back," Tina says, biting her lip. "Tons of manuscripts to read!"

Rachel says goodbye before sighing and turning back to her an e-mail, biting her lip. A pinging sound indicates she has a new message, and she rolls her eyes when she sees it's from Finn, asking her for her address so he can come over later.

She sighs, typing it out and pressing send. She gets a reply seemingly second later, a simple '_See you at 7 for our date ;)_.'

She doesn't even dignify that with a response.

* * *

Finn arrives ten minutes late, grinning cheekily when Rachel answers the door with a scowl on her face.

"You're late," she points out as he pushes past her, into the apartment.

"This is quaint," he says instead. His hands are stuffed in his pockets, his eyes bright.

"Oh, shut up," she mutters, and she goes to sit down on the couch. She knows it's rude to not invite him to sit as well, but it's _Finn_, so it's kind of allowed.

"No, I'm being serious!" Finn says, sitting down beside her anyway. "It's really… _you_."

"Um, thanks, I guess," she says, running a hand through her hair. She shakes it out a little bit, and she sees Finn watching her from the corner of his eye. She clears her throat, reaching for her copy of the manuscript. "So, anyway, do you have any ideas on how to market this… um…"

Finn just laughs. "Piece of shit?" he supplies.

"I was going to say cliché teen novel that does its best to completely set back the progression of the feminist movement, but that works, too," she allows, cracking a smile despite herself.

She and Finn sit awkwardly for a moment, and then he clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck as he says, "So, marketing… I was thinking we should draw on—"

There's a knock on the door then, and Rachel sighs. "Just a second," she tells Finn, and she goes to answer the door.

"Hi," Tina says brightly. She surveys her outfit. "You're not wearing that, are you?"

"Tina, I'm actually kind of busy," Rachel says, "so if you don't mind—"

"Oh no," Tina says then, her eyes wide. "You forgot, didn't you?"

"Forgot what?" Rachel asks, and she's aware that Finn's unintentionally (or maybe intentionally) listening in from his spot on the couch.

"Our dinner plans, remember? With Mike? You were going to double date with us?"

"Shit," Rachel mutters, because yes, she forgot.

"Oh no," Tina says again, pushing her way into the apartment, "Rachel, you _can't_ bail on me! This is only my twelfth date with Mike, and I _promised_ him you'd get to meet—" She catches sight of Finn then, her eyes widening.

"Hi, Tina," he says with a little smile and wave of his fingers.

"Hi," she squeaks out. She looks at Rachel in confusion.

"We're just working on our marketing plan, you know, for the vampire book," Rachel says with a pointed look.

"But you're supposed to go out with Mike and me tonight!" Tina wails in despair. Then she freezes, looking first at Rachel, then at Finn, then back at Rachel. "Hey, Finn," she says innocently.

"No," Rachel says, cottoning on. She crosses her arms over her chest. "Absolutely not."

Tina ignores her. "Would you like to go out to dinner with my boyfriend and myself as Rachel's date for the evening?"

Rachel could punch Tina, she really could. She's definitely considering it. "You don't have to answer that," she tells Finn.

Finn's grinning though, his smile cocky and wide, and her stomach drops as he says, "I'd love to be Rachel's date for the evening. In fact, I can't imagine a more enjoyable way to pass the time."

She glares at him, but he just smiles cheekily back at her.

"Oh, thank _God_," Tina says, and she grips Rachel's arm, dragging her toward her bedroom. "Finn, stay here, I'm going to go make Rachel look presentable."

He laughs, but he sits back down on the couch, picking up the _Love Bites_ manuscript and flipping through it.

"_Why would you do that_?" Rachel hisses once Tina has pushed her into a chair and shut the bedroom door behind her, surveying her carefully hung up clothes in her closet.

"Rachel, this is _very_ important to me," Tina says with a glare, "and Finn must not be that bad if you had him over, so he's as good as anyone for a double date!"

"I had him over for _work related purposes_!" Rachel points out, but Tina's already throwing a dress at her.

"Just wear that," Tina says. "Put it on, and then we'll worry about hair and makeup."

Rachel rolls her eyes, knowing there's no use in arguing, and does as she's told.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, she bites her lip, standing in front of her full-length mirror.

"You look great, Rachel," Tina says with a smile, tucking a tendril of hair behind her ear.

Rachel thinks she looks a little too _sultry_ for a date where Finn Hudson will be present, with a short, strapless black dress and her hair in a knot at the nape of her neck, her eyes framed with smoky eye shadow, because clearly he's going to get the wrong idea – that she wants to go on a date with him – but before she can protest, Tina is tugging her back out into the living room.

She nearly trips in her heels, but she manages to catch herself. She hears a low whistle, and she looks up.

Finn is watching her, slackjawed. She thinks he might be drooling a little. She blushes.

"You look… I mean… um, wow."

She forces herself to exhale, and she grabs her purse. "Whatever. Let's just go and get this over with, alright?"

"Get this over with?" Tina asks indignantly. "I do _so_ many things for you, Rachel Berry, and you can't do this _one_ thing for me—"

"Whoa, calm down, Tee," Rachel says as Finn laughs. "I'm going aren't I?"

Tina just huffs, leading the way out of the apartment. Rachel goes next, Finn close behind, and his hand grasps her elbow. She looks over at him from the corner of her eye before shifting so she's out of his reach.

Her skin tingles where his fingers were.

* * *

They're seated at a booth in the far corner of the bar, Tina and Mike on one side, Finn and Rachel on the other. He keeps resting his hand on her knee, and she keeps glaring at him and removing it.

Mike works for a newspaper, a sports columnist, which Finn seems to find incredibly interesting. Tina just grins happily at her as the two make small talk about the Knicks, and Rachel gives her a small smile in return. Honestly, she just can't wait for this evening to be over.

She pokes around at her salad, stabbing a cherry tomato with her fork. She pops it in her mouth just as Mike asks, "So, how long have you and Rachel been together?"

She starts choking, coughing violently, and Finn quickly pounds her back, his expression one of concern. Finally, she stops, managing to swallow the tomato and take in a breath, and right as she says, "Oh, we're not—" Finn says, "Eight months."

Rachel shoots him a look.

"That's quite a long time," Mike says with a friendly smile, squeezing Tina's hand. Tina's too busy smiling dreamily up at Mike and making goo-goo eyes to correct Finn's mistake.

"We're not dating," Rachel says shortly. She pinches Finn's arm, and he hisses.

"Yeah, I was, um, kidding," he's says, rubbing his arm and sending a pout in Rachel's direction. She just ignores him.

"Oh, I, uh…" Mike rubs the back of his neck, letting out a nervous laugh. "I just assumed… I mean, Tina said this was a double date and you two kind of act like you're, um…"

"Oh, no, we just work together," Rachel says matter-of-factly. "He's in publishing like Tina and me. We have to promote this teen vampire romance novel together, and he was nice enough to agree to accompany me to dinner. He's actually the _last_ person I would date." She grits her teeth, moving her foot so her heel is digging into Finn's toe. "Isn't that, right, Finn?" she asks sweetly.

He swallows, pain flitting across his pain, and his voice is a little higher than usual as he says, "Yep, sounds exactly right. We're just friends."

She's about to snort and inform Mike that actually they are _not_ friends, merely coworkers, but Tina changes the subject, asking Mike about how his sister's doing with her new baby at home.

Mike launches into a story about how he was covered in spit up the last time he visited her, and Tina watches him, her eyes bright and crinkling at the corners as she laughs, her hand on his arm. Rachel feels a little tug on her heart. Is it bad that she wants that, wants someone to share funny stories with, to laugh at her own? Someone to love?

She feels eyes on her, and she looks over to see Finn, looking not at Mike, but at her instead. He puts his hand on her knee again, but this time, instead of splaying his fingers across it, he simply squeezes.

She doesn't make to move it this time; she just gives him a small smile in reply.

He averts his gaze then, sliding his hand off, and she doesn't know why, but she has a fleeting moment where she misses the feel of his skin against hers.

* * *

She waves goodbye to Tina and Mike as they drop her and Finn back off at her apartment complex. It's a little chilly for September, and Rachel hugs her jacket more tightly around her.

"Well," she says, "I'm sorry we couldn't actually work on the project tonight, but… thanks, for um, you know, going with me to that."

"No problem," he says, giving her his usual cheeky smile. She doesn't find it quite as obnoxious as usual, which is a little odd. Usually that expression makes her stomach curl with rage. She figures it's the light buzz she has from the multiple glasses of wine she had at dinner. "I just don't understand how you didn't already have a date, a pretty, smart, fun girl like you."

She narrows her eyes. There's the Finn she knows: flirty and trying to hit on her. "I totally forgot about this thing tonight, as you clearly witnessed, and anyways, I don't date so much."

He frowns. "Why not?"

"I'm too busy," she says, and it's not untrue. "I mean, when I'm not working, I'm auditioning, and—"

"Auditioning?" he asks, and he looks intrigued. He takes a seat on the steps to the building. "For what?"

She sighs, sitting down tentatively beside him. "For plays. Musicals, mostly." She looks at him, and his brow is furrowed. "Publishing isn't my dream, you know," she says. "I've always wanted to be on Broadway. Tina just helped me get this job right after college, and I knew auditions wouldn't necessarily lead to anything right away, so I took it." She sighs. "I haven't gotten anything yet, on Broadway, I mean, so it's probably a good thing."

"I didn't know you sang," Finn says, and he sounds surprised.

"Yeah, well, you don't really know me all that well," she points out.

"It's not for lack of trying!" he says defensively, holding his hands up.

She glares at him. "Finn, hitting on me doesn't count as trying to get to know me."

He just shrugs. It's silent for a moment, and then he says, "You know, publishing was never… never where I wanted to be either. I actually wanted to go into sports broadcasting or journalism, like Mike."

"Really," Rachel says, raising an eyebrow. She scoots closer to him, but it's merely for warmth; there's a chill breeze.

"Yeah." He looks down at the palms of his hands. His hands are rather large, she notes, and they look warm, comforting, strong. She can see the veins in the back of them. She almost wants to run her fingers across them.

"Why didn't you?" she asks instead, forcing herself to look back up at his face. She can see frown lines around his mouth, and she doesn't look she's ever seen him look so serious.

He shrugs. "I worked at a newspaper for a while, but I got stuck with the celebrity news section." He pulls a face, and she giggles. He chuckles along with her. "I didn't see any promotions heading my way, and you can only write about so many of Lindsay Lohan's meltdowns before you go crazy." He smiles, nudging her shoulder with his own. "So Puck hooked me up with this job, and now, here we are."

"Trying to figure out how to possibly market a shitty teen novel."

Finn laughs.

She realizes just how close she is to him then, how she can see every one of his eyelashes, fluttering when he blinks, every one of the freckles splashed across his nose. His eyes are brown, but a light brown, bright even in the darkness.

Her tongue darts out to wet her lips, and she could reach out and touch his face with her fingertips if she wanted to. Does she want to? She doesn't know.

Suddenly, he's inching even closer, and she can almost feel his breath on her cheek. She lets in a sharp intake of breath, and then she comes to her senses.

She stands up abruptly, dusting off the back of her dress. "I should, um, I should head inside," she says quickly, her voicing squeaky and higher than usual.

Finn furrows his brow, and then he stands up as well, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, I should be going anyway. See you tomorrow, Rach." He gives her one last smile, but she notices this one doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"See you tomorrow!" she manages to call after him, watching his retreating figure for a moment as he heads to his car, and then she practically dashes up the stairs to the building, wrenching the door open. She closes it, leaning against the back of it, breathing heavily.

He was going to kiss her, and she was going to _let_ him. She shakes her head.

It's Finn Hudson. Surely it was just an 'in the moment' thing.

She just has to get through this project with him, and then she won't have to worry about him anymore.

* * *

**tbc**


	3. you're as sharp as a knife

**once again thanks for all the lovely responses!**

**as you can see, today is not sunday (shockingly i got the chapter done ahead of schedule!) but that means that the next update will probably be on monday or tuesday instead of sunday. i might be back on the sunday schedule after that, who knows!**

**please note the change in rating ;)**

**chapter title from 'salt skin' by ellie goulding and dedicated as always to mary gael!**

* * *

**Staring at a Crooked Crown**

_chapter three: you're as sharp as a knife and you fit like a glove_

Tina's practically bouncing on the balls of her feet when Rachel arrives outside the office building the next morning.

"What're you all excited about?" Rachel asks with a little laugh, pushing open the glass doors.

"Something _amazing_ happened last night!" Tina trills, following after her. "Something _incredible_, Rach!"

Rachel cocks an eyebrow. "Did you and Mike have sex, because based on what you told me, that happened a while ago—"

"No," Tina says indignantly, flushing as they step into the elevator. "Actually, he – he told me loved me last night." She bites her lip, glancing over at Rachel.

"Aw, Tee," Rachel coos, and she leans over to give her friend a hug. "That's great!"

"I know," Tina agrees, beaming, and she adds, "That's not all! He also asked me to move in with him."

"Tina," Rachel gasps. "That's a huge step!"

"I know," Tina agrees, biting her lip again.

"What did you say?"

"I said…" Tina takes in a deep breath. "I said yes!"

Rachel squeals, giving her best friend another hug, drawing her tightly to her. "That's amazing, Tee, I'm so happy for you!" she says as she squeezes her, and Tina squeezes back.

The doors to the elevator slide open then, and she hears someone clearing their throat.

"My birthday's actually next month, so save the girl on girl until then…"

Rachel breaks apart from Tina to glare at Finn. "Ha, ha," she says sarcastically, grabbing Tina's wrist and pulling her out of the elevator.

"Actually," Finn says loudly, and to her dismay, he keeps up with her strides easily, "I needed to talk to you, Rach."

She raises an eyebrow, but she doesn't stop walking. "So you were stalking the elevator to wait and see when I would get off?"

He smirks. "Something like that."

She's reminded briefly of how his lips looked close up, about the kiss they nearly shared on her doorstep last night, but she quickly pushes that thought aside. It's _Finn_.

"What is it you need, Hudson?" she asks tiredly, letting go of Tina's wrist as they reach her cubicle.

"We need to finish what we started yesterday," he reminds her.

She sees Tina's eyes go wide, and for a moment, Rachel panics, thinking he clearly is talking about their almost kiss. He wants to finish what they started? What if she didn't want to start it in the first place?

(She thinks she did though, and that's terrifying within itself to think about.)

"The promotion campaign for _Love Bites_," he clarifies, seemingly catching her confused look.

She lets out a small sigh of relief. "Oh, right, of course. My place again?"

Tina quietly excuses herself right before Finn cocks an eyebrow, sending her another smirk. "Actually, I was thinking mine."

She just rolls her eyes, crossing her arms. "You know this isn't some sort of date, right? We're only meeting up for work purposes."

"That's what you said last time, sweetheart, and somehow we ended up on a double date with your best friend and her boyfriend," he points out cheekily.

She glares at him. "That was a one time thing!" she says shrilly.

"I'll e-mail you my address," he says anyway, ignoring her huff of indignation. "We'll make it eight this time, alright?"

She narrows her eyes, but he's already heading back to his own cubicle down the way. Finn Hudson may just be the most infuriating man she's ever met, but her heart pounds at the thought of spending a night in his apartment. (A strictly _professional_ night, of course.)

"Sounds like someone has another date tonight!" Mercedes sings as she passes by her cubicle.

"Oh, can it, Mercedes!" Rachel snaps angrily.

She just hears laughter in return.

* * *

Unlike Finn, Rachel is perfectly on time when she shows up outside his apartment at eight on the dot. He buzzes her up, and when she gets to his door, she raps her knuckles against the wood lightly three times.

She hears heavy footsteps, and then the door's swinging open, and Finn's beaming at her. "Rachel, hey, come on in!"

She's almost taken aback by just _how_ friendly he's acting, and she crinkles her brow before setting foot inside the apartment. It's cleaner than she expected, and certainly bigger than her own. She wonders if he has any roommates. It doesn't look like he does.

"We can, uh, sit down on the couch if you'd like," he says, pressing his hand into the small of her back as he guides her toward what is presumably the living room area. There's a leather couch and a coffee table, facing a plasma screen television.

She eyes him suspiciously, wondering why he's being so cordial. He hasn't said anything rude or crass since she's been in the door.

"This is a nice place you have here, Finn," she tells him anyway, deciding she can play along, too, smoothing down her skirt as she sits.

"Thanks," he says, and his signature cocky smirk is back. It surprisingly makes her relax. He sits next to her on the couch, his arm draping across the back of it. His fingers are millimeters from her shoulder, and she lets out an involuntary shudder.

"Is it me or is it a little chilly in here?" she squeaks out, rubbing her hands up and down her arms.

Finn raises an eyebrow. "I can give you a sweatshirt or something if you're cold…"

"No, no," Rachel says quickly, "I – I'm sure it'll pass. It's probably just a cold chill."

Finn raises an eyebrow, but she ignores him, digging through her bag until she finds the battered copy of _Love Bites_ (which is somehow covered in coffee stains and lipstick even though she's only had it for a matter of days).

She clears her throat, setting it down on the table. "So," she says, turning so she's facing him on the sofa, "how do you suggest we market this, Hudson?"

"Well," he says, "we should market it as what it is in its core: a sappy teen romance novel."

"That's brilliant," Rachel says sarcastically. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"No, I'm being serious!" he says, but he's laughing, and she begins to giggle, too despite herself. "We have to think like we like this book. What is going to draw people in? Specifically the teenage girls books like this are aimed at?"

She bites her lip. "Romance," she admits grudgingly.

He smirks. "Exactly."

She rolls her eyes. "Okay, so we should probably start with the cover, because above all things, that's the main thing that should sell the book."

"Right," Finn mutters, and silence falls as they both think. She tries to focus on the cover, but she finds herself glancing at Finn instead. He really is quite attractive – although she hates to admit it – with his soft brown eyes, the straight slant of his nose, the splash of freckles across his cheek, his lips set in a line as he thinks.

She swallows, glancing back down at her hands. _Snap out of it_, _Rachel_, she instructs herself. _It's just Finn_.

Her heart only seems to pound faster.

"I've got it!" Finn says then, and she jumps a little. "Here, c'mere."

Her eyes widen in alarm, and he rolls his eyes. "No, just…" He grabs her arm, pulling her closer. "C'mere."

She can feel his breath on her cheek, his fingers digging into her elbow, and she breathes in sharply through her nose, inhaling him. He smells like laundry detergent mostly, but there's something distinctly Finn there as well.

"The cover should be something like this," he murmurs, and his hand comes up to cup her cheek. His gaze doesn't leave hers. "Don't you think?"

Mutely, she nods. "Maybe even…" She leans in closer, her lips getting closer and closer to his. "Maybe even something like this," she whispers, and she doesn't know how she's grown so _bold_.

"This is…" She hears him gulp, watches his Adam's apple as he swallows. His other hand settles on her thigh. "This is good."

Her eyes flutter closed then, and she whispers his name, just a breathy "Finn" coming out of her mouth, and then he's pressing his lips against hers. She knows she should pull away, that this is unprofessional as well as _so_ many other things, but then he's cradling her head and slipping his tongue into her mouth and she just doesn't _care_.

A moan escapes her throat, and he pulls back for a moment, surveying her carefully. "Rachel, I—"

"Shut up, or I'll start thinking and this'll end faster than it's started," she advises, her words a muttered jumble, but he seems to get the idea, mashing his mouth back against hers. His hands slide up her shirt, pressing against her back, and she arches into his touch. He moves his frantic kisses to her neck, and she rolls her head back, giving him better access. She fists his hair in her hands, tugging on it.

He groans, and then he's pushing her into the couch, hovering over her. They're both breathing heavily, and she sees his gaze travel over her body. She's suddenly feeling self-conscious about her somewhat low-cut top and pencil skirt, and she squirms underneath him.

He grabs her wrists. "Hey," he says softly. "Rachel, you're beautiful."

She blushes, and she knows it could very well just be a line, but he sounds so sincere. Plus she wants him too badly to care anymore. She threads her fingers in his hair, pulling his mouth down to hers for another kiss. His hands slide back under her shirt, his thumbs rubbing patterns into her skin. His fingers slide up even higher, and then he's swiftly undoing her bra.

She pulls her shirt over her head, tossing it in the general direction of the coffee table, and as soon as it's out of her hands, she impatiently begins tugging on Finn's as well. He laughs, kissing her nose, before he helps her, shrugging the fabric over his head.

She gawks for a moment, her fingers quickly pressing against his pectoral muscles, sliding down his abs, gliding over his happy trail. He shivers, and she grins.

He quickly attacks her neck again, pressing open mouthed kisses against her heated skin, and his hands slide the straps of her bra past her arms, peeling it off of her. "So beautiful," he mutters again as he chucks the bra somewhere in the direction of the other items of clothing, quickly kissing his way down to one breast. She moans, arching into his mouth when his warm, wet tongue circles one bud.

"F – Finn," she says breathlessly, fisting his hair again in her hands, and she feels him smile. He sucks and swirls lightly a few more times before switching sides, paying equal attention, and she can feel his erection pressing into her leg.

He begins to trail kisses down the plane of her stomach, and she arches up so he can reach around for the zipper of her skirt. He finds it and tugs, and she giggles a little when it gets stuck. He frowns, tugging again, and she sits up so she can help him, deftly undoing the zipper herself. She shimmies out of the skirt, knocking it around her ankles before peeling it off completely and throwing it in the pile.

She eyes his tented jeans, looking up at him with hooded eyes.

"Pants," she says. "Now."

He quickly undoes his belt, his fingers fumbling a bit over the button in his haste. Rachel bites back a giggle, reaching over to help him with the zipper, her hand brushing his very clear arousal. She helps push his jeans down his legs, and he kicks them off. They fall onto the floor.

He watches her for a moment before leaning down to press a kiss against her cheek. It feels more intimate than anything they've ever done before, and she digs her fingernails into his shoulder blade.

He seems to get the message, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of her underwear. He pulls it down, presses kisses to the inside of her thighs, sliding the fabric further down her legs until she kicks it off completely.

He's just about to slide off his boxers when she says, "Wait, uh, do you have… I mean…"

He nods. "Shit, yeah, condom."

She smiles in relief, leaning up to kiss him lightly.

"I'll be right back," he mutters against her lips, and then he leaves, scrambling off the couch and into the hallway.

She leans back against the arm of the couch, breathing heavily. _What is she doing_? Is she really about to have _sex_ with _Finn Hudson_?

She feels a tremor of excitement flow through her because yeah, she thinks she is. Actually, she doesn't think she's thinking at all. And that feels pretty good, for once.

Finn comes back then, sans boxers, already ripping open the condom package. She swallows, because he's like, _really big_, and how on earth will he possibly fit inside of her?

He climbs back onto the couch, sliding the condom onto his length, hands on either one of her knees.

"You're sure about this?" he clarifies.

This is her chance to say to no, to take it all back. This is her out.

She nods. "I'm sure."

He settles between her legs, kissing her collar bone as he presses into her, slowly, gently, stretching her, filling her, inch by inch. She moans at the feeling, biting down lightly on his shoulder.

"S – So good," she manages to get out, but he's going so _slowly_. She needs more. "Faster."

He obliges, moving more quickly inside of her, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling his apartment. She meets him thrust for thrust, peppering kisses against his chest, and then he's grunting, and his hand is sliding between them, pressing against her sensitive bundle of nerves _just so_, and then she's crying out, seeing stars behind her eyelids as she comes.

He thrusts a few more times before he finds his own release, and then he breathes heavily, brushing back her bangs as he kisses her forehead. He pulls out of her and hugs her to his side, his arm draped over her midsection. There's not really enough room for them on the couch, but he doesn't seem to mind.

She stares up at the ceiling. Now that it's over, she can't help but think how _stupid_ she's been. _She had sex with Finn Hudson_. She was caught up in the moment and she had _sex_ with the biggest womanizer she's ever met and _shit_ she still has to _work_ with him.

He sighs, pressing another kiss to her temple before he gets up, presumable to dispose of the condom. As he shuffles back down the hallway, she sits up, running her fingers through her hair. She can't believe she just _did_ that.

She hurriedly stands, searching for her clothes. She slides her underwear on first, snapping on her bra next, biting her lip as she frantically tries to locate her skirt. She finds it under his jeans, and she's pulling it back on when Finn walks back in, still completely nude.

She blushes, averting her gaze, even though she _obviously_ didn't mind him being naked a few minutes ago.

"You know, I don't mind if you stay naked while we go over marketing plans," he says with another little smirk, and her cheeks burn even more.

"Actually," she says, her voice curt even to her own ears, "I have to go."

"What?" The smirk falls from his lips. "Rachel, I was kidding, I swear, I didn't mean—"

"No, I just…" She reaches for her top, pulling it over her head. "I really have to go. So I'm sorry we couldn't… finish up… but I just… I have to go."

She grabs her copy of the manuscript and her bag from the coffee table, purposely looking anywhere but at Finn's face.

"Hey, Rachel, wait," he says, sliding on his boxers, but she just walks determinedly toward the door.

"Rachel, _please_, I know you think I'm some sort of jerk, but I'm not, I promise, this wasn't just some—"

"Look, Finn," Rachel says shortly, turning around to face him against her better judgment. "We shouldn't have done this. It was stupid, and – and completely unprofessional, alright? And I know you're going to tell me that it wasn't just some random hookup, but that's exactly what it was. Let's not pretend otherwise, okay? I'd appreciate if you didn't tell anyone at work, but I can't really ask you for more than that."

He just watches her with a blank expression on his face, arms crossed over his chest.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Finn," she says then, and she lets herself out of his apartment.

* * *

When she gets home twenty minutes later, she immediately grabs a tub of ice cream from the freezer and heads to bed. She can't believe she's one of those girls now, just another office bimbo seduced by Finn Hudson. She thought she was better than that, but apparently, she's not.

She turns on the television, looking for something sappy she can cry to, and she tries to put all thoughts of Finn out of her mind. She had to forget that the sex was _amazing_, and she had to forget the pain in his eyes as she closed the door behind her.

She probably made that part up anyway.

* * *

**tbc**


	4. round in circles, let's start over

**thanks as always for the wonderful feedback! you're all angels :)**

**title of the chapter is from 'circles' by all time low **

* * *

**Staring at a Crooked Crown**

_chapter four: round in circles, let's start over_

When she walks into the office the next morning, she feels as if everyone is looking at her differently, like she has it written on her face in big, bold, black letters: _I slept with Finn Hudson_.

"You're just being paranoid," Tina assures her, her arm looped through hers as they head to their cubicles. "Surely not _everyone_ can tell you had sex, let alone with Finn!"

"_Shh_," Rachel hisses, because she swears Mercedes is actually listening at her desk as they brush past it, "keep your voice down, Tee!"

"I just can't believe you actually _did it_," Tina whispers in awe.

"Me, neither," Rachel agrees.

Tina nudges her then, and she glances further down the hallway to see Finn himself walking their way.

"Shit," she mutters, ducking into her cubicle. She practically throws her bag onto the desk and dives for the phone just as she hears Finn say, "Rachel?"

"Yes, definitely!" she says loudly into the phone. "That sounds perfect, absolutely perfect! And three day shipping? Even better!"

She glances over to see that the doorway of her cubicle is now empty, and she lets out a sigh of relief, putting the phone back on the base.

"You know," Tina says, poking her head over the cubicle wall, "you can't avoid him forever!"

Rachel just glares at her. "Watch me."

"You're partners for that marketing presentation!" Tina reminds her, her voice light.

Rachel glares some more. "Tina," she says through gritted teeth, her voice tight, _"please_ go away."

Tina pulls a face, huffing before she disappears back into her own cubicle.

Rachel sighs, opening her email. She sees a new message from Will, and she clicks it, not feeling optimistic. Her intuition is proven right when the message says he'd like to meet with her and Finn in a couple of hours to see how their planning is going.

She groans, burying her head in her hands. She shouldn't have slept with Finn, because now she's literally made every aspect of her life even more awkward than it already was.

* * *

"There's my dream team!" Will says with a wide smile, ushering Finn and Rachel into his office. She hasn't looked Finn in the eye yet, and she still refrains from eye contact as she sits in the chair next to him, across from Will.

"So," Will says, looking first at Finn, then at her, "where are we at?"

"We, uh, we're pretty confident with the cover design, I think," Finn says, and Rachel nods, trying desperately not to think of just _how_ comfortable they were with the idea for the cover pose. "We just need to meet with one of the artists in the next week or so to really get a rough draft done, but we definitely have a concept."

"Good, good," Will says, still smiling, "and how about promotional posters, as well as the possibility of a book tour for Emma?"

"A – a book tour?" Rachel asks. "I didn't realize that was in the parameters of the assignment."

"Well, what better promotion is there than that?" Will says with another toothy grin, and Rachel smiles weakly back at him.

"We'll get right on that," she assures him. "And you said Ms. Pillsbury would be coming in within the next week, correct? To talk to the entire office about her book?"

Will's still smiling as he nods.

"We were thinking we could talk to her about what she'd like to see, promotion-wise, for her novel as well."

"That's a great idea!" Will says enthusiastically. "She'll be a part of the whole process, fantastic! Nice work, Finn!"

Rachel glances over at Finn without even realizing it, and he just raises his eyebrows right back at her. Part of her is fuming, because this was _all her idea_ and somehow he's getting the credit for it, but the other part of her has to fight back a giggle as she meets his bewildered stare. And then she remembers that they slept together and they probably aren't even friends anymore, if they even were in the first place, and the laughter bubbling up inside her quickly dies.

"Well, I just wanted to see where you were at," Will clarifies, standing up, and Rachel knows he's dismissing them, so she and Finn stand as well.

"It's coming along nicely, I think," Finn says, and she's quick to nod in agreement.

"Just keep up the good work!" Will says, chipper smile still intact, and then he ushers them out of his office, closing the door behind him.

Rachel sighs, glancing up at Finn. He lets out a low whistle. "So, a book tour, huh?"

She groans. "Why did we sign up for this again?"

"We didn't," he reminds her, and she sighs again.

A bit of an awkward silence falls. Rachel considers briefly simply sprinting down the hallway, leaving her utter embarrassment here with Finn, but she knows that they have to finish this project, so that wouldn't be a smart thing to do.

"Listen, Rach," Finn starts, and she peeks up at his face, knowing that, even though this is probably the most awkward moment of her life, she has to hear him out. "If I, um, did something to weird you out last night or whatever, I'm really, really sorry…"

She bites her lip because he _does_ seem quite repentant. "No, no, it wasn't, er, you," she tells him, gently touching his arm. She vaguely remembers how his muscles felt under her fingertips last night, and she quickly retracts her hand. "I just… I guess I realized that any, um, romantic endeavors between us would merely complicate our working relationship, and we certainly can't have any of that!"

He nods, slowly but surely. "Right," he agrees. "No complications." There's a pause, and then he asks, "Why didn't you just tell me that? Why did you leave so quickly? And why were you avoiding me this morning?"

_Because I wasn't sure I could stop myself from kissing you senseless_. She doesn't say it, but she certainly thinks it, and she hopes her cheeks aren't turning pink. "I – I don't know," she says, glancing down at her feet.

"Rachel," he says quietly, his voice almost taking on a tender quality, "I get why you panicked, but just because we're working together doesn't mean we can't be… friendly."

She narrows her eyes. That's more like the Finn she's used to. "Finn, I told you, it was a one time thing—"

"No, no," he says quickly, shaking his head, his fingers gently wrapping around her wrist. She hopes he can't feel the quick pace of her pulse beneath his fingertips. "I mean friends. I – I'd at least like for us to be friends, wouldn't you?"

His expression is pleading, brown eyes wide, and she sighs, pulling her wrist out of his grasp. "Well, yes, alright," she says. "That'd be fine, I suppose."

"Great," he says, and his entire face breaks out into a large smile. Her heart pounds a little faster in her chest, but she quickly just accosts it to her being happy that they're friends, because she thinks she can handle being Finn's friend. Possibly enjoy it, even.

They're just friends who've seen each other naked. There are all sorts of friends like that, aren't there?

"Well, I should get back to my cubicle," she says after a beat of awkward silence.

He nods, rubbing the back of his neck. "Right, yeah, lots of work to do for that book tour we have to organize."

She grimaces. "Yeah, among other things, I suppose."

Finn just raises his eyebrows, and she shakes her head.

"Well, I'll see you later!"

"See you!" he says, and she can still feel his eyes on her back as she walks back to her cubicle, and it's weird, but she doesn't even think she minds if he's staring at her ass.

It's not like he hasn't seen it anyway.

* * *

"So things weren't overly awkward between you and Finn today?" Tina asks, her voice slightly laced with static through the phone connection.

"No, no, of course not!" Rachel says, curling her legs under her as she sits on her couch, holding the phone between her cheek and shoulder while picking up her carton of Chinese food. She can practically hear the incredulity in Tina's silence, so she adds, "We're _friends_, Tina. And we still have a project to do, so we're fine!"

"Since when are you and Finn Hudson _friends_?"

"Since… well, since today, I suppose!" Rachel allows. "But I've always admired his… work ethic, among other things, so…"

"Rachel," Tina says evenly, "you haven't been able to stand Finn Hudson in all the years he's worked here, but suddenly you have to work with him on this project and your view of him has done a one-eighty! I think you're just realizing that he's not that bad after all."

"That's – that's ridiculous," Rachel says. "I'm not saying he's a _changed man_, I've just… _accepted_ those parts of his personality I once found completely incorrigible, and we're now able to work together effectively and even enjoy being around each other, as _friends_."

"Is it because you saw him naked?" Tina asks. "I've been meaning to ask you, exactly how _big_ was he—"

"Tina!" Rachel shrieks, practically throwing her carton of lo mein up in surprise. "I told you, everything just happened in the heat of the moment! The fact that I had sex with Finn didn't mean _anything_ to _either_ of us! And I can assure you I remember very little about the details."

"Uh huh," Tina says flatly. "And that's why you had that post-sex glow about you this morning. I mean it _must've_ been good."

Rachel bites her lip. "_Fine_," she hisses, "it wasn't terrible, alright?" She takes a deep breath in. "Quite the opposite, in fact. But it still meant nothing!"

"I knew it!" Tina shrieks, and Rachel thinks she might be temporarily deaf. "But are you sure about it not meaning anything, Rachel?"

Rachel pauses. "Yeah," she says, "of course. Why?"

"You saw the way Finn was looking at you today, didn't you?"

Rachel's heart begins to pound despite herself. "It wasn't any different than any other day," she says, but even as the words leave her mouth, she thinks that might not be true.

"Well, I think he has real feelings for you," Tina says knowingly.

Rachel laughs. "Finn Hudson doesn't have real feelings for anyone, least of all _me_. And even if he did," she presses on, "I certainly don't _return_ them."

"Well, great!" Tina says enthusiastically, and Rachel's mildly confused by her sudden change in tone. "Then you won't mind double dating with Mike and me again!"

"I am _not_ going on another date with Finn Hudson, Tina—"

"No, not Finn! This guy from Mike's work! Mike's been trying to set him up, and, well, you're single, and not really attached to anyone emotionally at the moment even though you slept with him, so I just figured…"

Rachel sighs, rolling her eyes. "What's his name?"

"I – I don't know," Tina admits. "I've never actually met him. But Mike says he's a really nice guy!"

Rachel sighs again.

"If you're too hung up on Finn to go, I completely understand," Tina sings into her ear, and she grits her teeth.

"I'm _not_ hung up on Finn!" she says hotly. "We just slept together on a whim, a complete and total whim!"

Tina's laughter fills her ears.

"Alright, fine, if this is what it takes to prove to you that me sleeping with Finn _truly_ meant nothing, then fine, yes, I will go on this double date with you and Mike!"

"Perfect!" Rachel may not be able to see Tina at present, but she still knows she's smiling, beaming from ear to ear. "I'll set it up for Monday night. I'll give you the details later, alright?"

"Sounds great!" Rachel agrees, but her voice sounds falsely cheery even to her own ears. She says her goodbyes and hangs up with Tina, digging into her Chinese noodles. She feels a sense of dread sitting in her stomach, expanding as she thinks about the possibility of going on another double date with Mike and Tina and this unknown mystery man.

She's just nervous about meeting someone new. And she really does need to get her mind off Finn (not that she wants to admit that she's been thinking about him).

She needs something new, something fresh, and who knows? This guy could be just that. He could be everything she's ever wanted.

The future she's always dreamed of could be one date away.

* * *

**tbc**


	5. you could be the best of me

**sorry for the longer-than-usual wait, but i hope the chapter doesn't disappoint!**

**dedicated to mary gael as an early birthday present because it's her birthday tomorrow! :)**

**title of this chapter is from the song 'mr. right' by a rocket to the moon**

* * *

** Staring at a Crooked Crown**

_chapter five: you could be the best of me_

She's anxious as she taps her pen against the top of her desk, tapping her foot and staring blankly at her computer screen. She should be brainstorming on marketing ideas for _Love Bites_, but she's too busy planning out her outfit for her double date tonight with Mike, Tina, and Jacob, the guy he's setting her up with.

She's equal parts excited and nervous.

"Rach?"

She jumps, clutching at her heart as she turns around to see Finn leaning against the doorway of her cubicle.

"Sorry," he says with his signature dimpled grin. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," she says once her pulse rate begins to slow (but only slightly, because a very attractive man is now standing in her cubicle). "Did – did you need something, or did you just stop in to say hello?"

He smirks. "I was just stopping by to let you know that Emma Pillsbury's coming in tomorrow, the crazy lady who wrote this shitty novel we have to promote. Will wanted me to tell you, so we can prepare for the meeting he's setting up for us with her about our marketing plan."

"Great," Rachel mutters. "Fantastic. Thanks for letting me know, Finn."

He nods.

Rachel glances at the time in the corner of her computer screen, and her heart gives a jolt. 5:01.

"Gotta be going!" she says as she stands up, gathering her things. "So I hope you'll excuse me if I usher you out of my cubicle."

"Why, got a hot date?" His eyes are bright and his tone is teasing.

She doesn't know why, but her heart pounds as she says, "As a matter of fact, I do."

His smile fades, and he says, "Oh, I didn't—" He clears his throat. "I mean, I, uh, hope you have a good time."

"Thanks, Finn," she says slowly, slightly confused about his sudden change in demeanor.

He just nods again, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he leaves.

She furrows her brow for a moment, wondering why he could possibly have seemed so down at the prospect of her going on a date, but she quickly pushes the thought aside. It must be something else entirely.

"Ready to go, Rachel?"

She looks over at Tina, giving her a smile and a nod. "Ready," she confirms.

She's determined to have a good time tonight and to not think of Finn Hudson at all.

* * *

She doesn't know why Mike thought that she and Jacob Ben Israel would be compatible, because they literally have _nothing_ in common, and on top of that, he's already beginning to freak her out. He keeps pushing his glasses further up his nose and combing his fingers through his Jewfro, licking his lips as he leers at her from across the table.

She keeps avoiding his gaze, inching closer to Tina in the process.

"_Rachel_," Tina hisses, giving her a little shove.

"_Help me_," she hisses back through clenched teeth.

Tina frowns, furrowing her brow.

Rachel just gives her a pointed look. "I have to go to the restroom," she says loudly, hoping Tina gets the hint.

Thankfully, she does.

"I'll come with you," Tina says, and Rachel grabs her hand, pulling her out of the booth with her.

She hears Mike chuckle as they walk away, saying loudly to Jacob, "Women always travel in pairs it seems!"

She doesn't bother to listen to hear Jacob's response.

"What's the problem?" Tina asks once they're safely in the restroom.

Rachel glares at her, crossing her arms as she leans against the sink.

"Tina," she says slowly, deliberately, "that guy you and Mike set me up with is a _creep_!"

Tina sighs. "C'mon, Rachel, I know he may not exactly be smokin' hot or anything, but if you just give him a chance—"

"I'm not even talking about his atrocious fashion sense or his curly Jewfro!" Rachel says hysterically. "Within the first five minutes of conversing with him he asked me what my underwear looked like, Tina! And then he proceeded to _waggle_ his _eyebrows_ and suggest that he would get to find out later!"

Tina blanches. "Okay, that's kind of bad," she allows.

"Especially for a first date!" Rachel pinches the bridge of her nose, trying to breathe in deeply. She was hoping this date would be a fresh start, that it would be exactly what she needed, but obviously, that does _not_ seem to be the case.

"I need a drink," she says decisively, picking up her purse from the counter. "I'm going to go get myself a drink, because if I'm going to finish this date, I'm going to have to be buzzed, if not hammered."

Tina frowns, following her back out of the restroom.

"You want anything, Tee?" she asks, marching up to the bar.

Tina sighs. "No. I'm going to head back to the table, okay? _Please_ don't do anything _too _reckless."

Rachel just smiles.

Tina heads back to the table, and Rachel finds a seat at the bar, ordering a martini. Soon enough, her drink comes, and she downs it in record time. The bartender just raises his eyebrow but doesn't say anything when she orders another.

She's on her third martini when someone sits down beside her, and she glances over at him.

She nearly spits out her drink.

"Imagine seeing you here, Berry," Finn says, smirking at her, taking a drink from his own beer in his hand.

She just gapes at him for a moment before she manages to get out, "What, are you stalking me now or something?"

He just laughs, shaking his head. He licks his lips and he looks like he's contemplating something, then he asks, "So where's your date?"

Her eyes go wide. "My – my date," she says slowly.

He crinkles his brow. "Yeah, today as you were leaving work you said you had a date. Were you lying or something? Or did you get, like, stood up? Because that's a _shitty_ thing to do, and that guy's an asshole—"

"No, I didn't get stood up," she says quickly, her cheeks pinking.

Suddenly, bony fingers are curling around her shoulder, and she jumps as a nasally voice says in her ear, "There you are, my sweet!"

She throws the remainder of her martini down her throat before she gives Jacob a forced smile.

Finn looks at her pointedly, his brow furrowed.

"Finn, this is Jacob, Jacob, this is Finn," she says, gesturing between the two of them. She tries to send Finn a vibe with just her gaze alone, begging for him to pick up on it and save her.

"And how do you know my lady?" Jacob asks, eyes narrowed, his fingers digging into Rachel's shoulder.

She winces, reaching over to pry his hand off of her as Finn says, "We work together."

"Oh." Jacob visibly relaxes.

"Also, we slept together last week, but Rachel doesn't like to talk about that."

"_Finn_!" Rachel hisses, but he's not looking at her. He's glaring at Jacob, a muscle pulsating in his jaw.

"You expect me to believe that?" Jacob asks. "It's clear that you're jealous of what Rachel and I share, and you're obviously making up lies to try to break us apart!"

"We don't _share_ anything," Rachel says empathetically.

Both men ignore her.

"Rachel, I think Mike and Tina are waiting on us, so we should get back to the table…" Jacob grabs her hand, and his grip is surprisingly strong.

She sends Finn a pleading look as Jacob begins to drag her away.

"Hey, buddy, she's having a drink, then she'll meet you over there later, alright?"

Rachel gives him a small, grateful smile. He's too busy frowning and glaring at Jacob to notice.

Jacob just turns to her instead. "Rachel, please tell this Neanderthal that we're having a pleasant time without him and that he can kindly leave us be."

Rachel sucks in a deep breath, looking between Jacob and Finn. Finally, she exhales. "Look, Jacob… I don't think this is going to work out…"

Jacob furrows his brow. "Why not?"

"You're just… not my type," she says with a little shrug.

Jacob scoffs. "What, and he is?" he asks, gesturing to Finn.

She feels her cheeks burn, and she doesn't have to look over at Finn to know that he's smirking. "_No_," she says defiantly. "The fact of the matter is that we just didn't connect."

"I don't understand," Jacob says. "We're _perfect_ for each other."

Rachel glances over at Finn, who now looks like he's trying not to laugh, biting the inside of his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Jacob," she says finally. "It's just not going to work out."

He turns to glare at Finn. "Is it because of _him_?"

Rachel feels her cheeks pink and her mouth go dry. "No," she manages to say, "it's not."

"It's because he's bigger than I am, isn't it?"

"_No_!" Rachel says exasperatedly. "Look, Jacob, I'm going to leave now, okay? It was nice to meet you, but I'm going to go."

"I'll walk you out," Finn says quickly, standing up.

"We'll meet again, Rachel!" Jacob calls after her, and Rachel rolls her eyes. "This isn't the end for us, you'll see!"

Once they're outside of the bar, Finn begins to laugh, and Rachel looks up at him, her brow furrowed in confusion. He just laughs harder, the corners of his eyes crinkling, his dimples showing in his cheeks. He's somehow even more attractive when he laughs, and the laughing itself is contagious, so it's not long before she finds herself giggling as well.

"You were set up on a date with a _nut job_," Finn says in between chuckles.

She gives him a little shove, but she doesn't disagree. She checks her phone, sending a quick text to Tina, letting her know that she's going home.

Once she's finished, she closes her phone, biting her lip as she looks out into the street, cars racing past. "I just wanted to meet a nice guy, you know?" She laughs, but it's somewhat humorless. "So much for that."

"Hey," Finn says, his voice soft, and she turns to look at him. His gaze is intent, his eyes bright, and he reaches out to place his hand lightly on her shoulder. "There _is_ a guy out there for you, Rachel, and he's not a jerk like that creep, okay? I promise you."

He's startlingly close now, and she can see the golden flecks in his brown eyes, the flutter of his eyelashes, the freckles splashed across the bridge of his nose.

She feels her breath become shallow, and her heart pounds in her chest. It would be _so easy_ to just lean over and press her lips against his. So why doesn't she?

She knows she should be reminded of all the reasons why being with Finn would be a bad choice, but her mind is surprisingly blank. She just stares at him, and all she wants is for him to lean in and kiss her.

He doesn't. He stares at her for a moment, then his hand falls from her shoulder as he takes a step back. "You need a cab home?"

She nods mutely, her heart still pounding as he waves down a cab for her. He opens the door, turning back around to look at her expectantly.

"Your carriage awaits."

She blinks a few times, trying to sort through her muddled thoughts and feelings, before taking his outstretched hand, letting him help her inside. She slides across the seat, and she looks up at him before he shuts the door.

"Thanks, Finn," she says, "for everything."

He just smiles before closing the door, and the cab begins to move.

Rachel's beginning to think that Finn Hudson is a lot more complicated than she though. In fact, he may just be the greatest anomaly she's ever encountered.

* * *

There's a banner hanging across the length of the office when Rachel and Tina walk into work the next morning, and then she remembers: Today is the day Emma Pillsbury is visiting.

"It's so exciting!" Tina trills, practically skipping as she follows Rachel to her cubicle. "The actual author is going to speak to all of us!" She sighs, almost dreamily, her hands linked together. "I hope I get to talk to her, possibly one on one! I have so many questions about her book, things I'd like to discuss."

Rachel tries her best not to roll her eyes, but it proves to be difficult. She can't say she's excited to meet the woman behind this shitty novel.

"Aren't you excited to work on aspects of marketing with her?" Tina asks.

Rachel forces a smile. "Sure. _So_ excited."

Tina narrows her eyes, and Rachel knows she's not buying it. "Give her a chance, Rach," she says instead. "You never know, she may surprise you!"

Rachel plasters a smile on her face. "Maybe," she allows.

"Well, she's speaking in about ten minutes, and we'll want to get good seats in the conference room," Tina says, bouncing on the balls of her feet as if she's about to meet a rock star, not the author of a mediocre novel aimed at teenage girls.

"You go ahead," Rachel says. "Save me a seat and I'll meet you in a few minutes, okay?"

"Okay!" Tina says brightly before flouncing out of the cubicle.

Rachel sighs, collapsing into her desk chair for a moment. She glances at the pile of paperwork on her desk – all the plans she's been trying to put together, the sketch the cover artist did for her based on her and Finn's idea, the questions she has for Emma.

She really just wants to skip this meeting. Actually, she just wants to go home and sleep. Ever since her disastrous blind date the night before (and another confusing moment she shared with Finn), she's felt _exhausted_.

She knows she has to go though, so with another sigh, she stands up, gathering her paperwork and stuffing it in her bag before she heads to the conference room.

* * *

Tina does save her a seat, but to Rachel's chagrin, it's in the middle of the very first row, and it also happens to be next to Finn. She murmurs a few apologies as she crosses people to get to her seat, and she's too busy glaring at Tina to notice Noah's foot, haphazardly blocking her way.

She trips over it, and there's a sickening moment where she thinks that _oh God she's going to fall and embarrass herself in front of everyone_, but luckily, Finn reaches out to steady her, his fingers tight around her elbow, his other arm winding around her waist to keep her balanced.

Her heart pounds in her chest as she shoots him a grateful smile. He just gives her a small one back, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards, his lips still closed. She manages to detangle herself from him and sits, rifling around in her bag for a small notebook and a pen before setting it back on the floor.

It doesn't take long before Will heads to the front of the room, a wide smile already on his face.

"How's everybody doing this morning?" he asks, chipper as always. There's a few murmured responses, most of variations of "good," and Will just smiles some more at them. "Fantastic! Now, as you know, we have a very special guest with us today, who is the author of Schuester Books' next bestselling novel, _Love Bites_, Miss Emma Pillsbury!" He beckons with his hand, and a timid looking redheaded woman stands beside him, wringing her hands. Her brown eyes are large and worried looking as she bites her lip. "Now it's a real honor to have Emma here with us today, and I'm going to let her tell you just how special her book is."

He steps aside, presumably to give Emma the floor, but she just looks at him, wide eyes terrified.

"Emma?" he prompts. "You wanna take it from here?"

Emma takes a few shaky steps forward until she's in the center of the room. "Um, hello," she begins. Her voice trembles. "As – as Will said, I'm Emma Pillsbury, and I wrote _Love Bites_ as a way to – to hopefully convey a story of passion and forbidden love to those who have perhaps not yet had the chance to experience it themselves."

Rachel glances over at Finn, giving him a little nudge. He just raises his eyebrows, giving her a side glance in return.

"I guess…" Emma trails off, taking in a deep breath before she continues. "I guess I just wanted to tell a story that had been swimming around in my head for a while, and the idea that others might get the chance to enjoy that story is incredible to me, and I really have to thank Will for taking a chance on me." Her cheeks pink. "I – I mean on my novel."

"Well, it's a fine novel," Will says with a wink, and Emma turns crimson.

Rachel covers up a snigger by turning it into a cough, holding her hand up and hacking into it. Finn gives her another sideways glance, and he looks like he might start laughing as well.

Her stomach churns inexplicably. Why is he suddenly having this effect on her?

* * *

Emma actually has some good ideas, which surprises Rachel. She's actually really helpful in going over the details of the book tour, and she seems to really like the cover design Rachel and Finn came up with.

"Oh, it's _perfect_!" she breathes, running her fingers across the sketch. Emma also seems to be less timid and frantic when she's not in front of a crowd as well, which Rachel thinks makes sense. "I love the intimacy, but you can also see the conflicting feelings between them."

Rachel's gaze flickers over to Finn. He's watching Emma, smiling slightly. She wonders if he remembers how he grabbed her wrist, the way his breath hit her cheek.

Her cheeks pink at the memory, and all she can see when she looks at the cover design is Finn holding her in the same way.

They wrap up the session within a half hour, and Rachel's still a little shocked with how successful it was. They schedule a follow up session for a couple of weeks from now, before their big presentation.

Finn holds the door for Rachel on her way out, and she smiles gratefully at him. "Thanks," she says softly.

"No problem, Rach," he replies easily, and her stomach gives a swoop. She really doesn't know what's gotten into her.

She realizes then that she left her bag in the conference room, and she curses quietly. "My bag," she mutters.

"What?" Finn asks, his eyebrow quirked.

"I forgot my bag in the conference room," she explains. "I'll see you later, okay?"

Before he can reply, she's marching back to the room they were just in. The door's still closed, which is weird, because doors are usually left open when someone's not in the room, but she figures Emma didn't know that, so she turns the knob, pushing the door open.

Then she freezes.

Emma Pillsbury is kissing her boss. And Will is kissing her back.

"Oh my God," Rachel says before she can stop herself, and she quickly slaps her hand over her mouth, but it's too late.

Will and Emma spring apart as if they've been electrocuted, both red in the face.

"I, uh, I left my bag," Rachel mutters, and she quickly reaches over to retrieve it. "I'll… It was… I'm gonna go now."

Hastily, she shuts the door behind her. A giggle threatens to fall from her lips; she can feel it bubbling up her throat.

There's only one person she wants to talk to about this latest development, and she knows exactly where to find him.

* * *

When she gets to Finn's cubicle, she's surprised to find out that he's not alone. Brittany, the mail girl, is giggling from her perch on his desk, clearly laughing at something Finn said.

Rachel's stomach flips, and she thinks that for a moment she might be sick, although she's not entirely sure why.

Brittany looks at her then, and Finn seems to follow her gaze.

"Oh, hey, Rach!" he says with the same easy smile he always has. She really wishes she wouldn't notice his dimples and the slight crinkle of his nose. "Did you get your bag?"

"Um, yeah, I did," she manages to get out.

Brittany's still watching her, her blue eyes unwavering.

"Did you need to tell me something?" Finn asks. "Or did you just wanna say hi?" His tone is teasing, but she can't bring herself to smile back at him. She tries, but it comes out as more of a grimace.

"Hey, Rach, are you okay?" His tone is soft now, and he inches closer to her. Brittany just stares some more.

"Yeah," she manages to say. "Fine!" She sounds normal and she manages a smile this time. "I'll tell you about it later, okay?" She turns to go then.

"Rachel," he calls after her.

Despite her better judgment, she turns back around.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

She plasters on another smile. "Of course!"

She walks back down the hallway then, her smile fading. Her heart pounds, and her palms sweat. Why was Brittany in Finn's cubicle? Was he flirting with her? What if they were setting up a date? What if he _likes_ her?

She shakes her head. Why does she _care_?

She knows she could talk to Tina about this, but she already knows how Tina will react: She'll tilt her head, look at her knowingly, and say that she's jealous. And it's _not_ that. She just doesn't understand why Finn would lower his standards for someone like Brittany, who definitely isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. Sure, she's tall, and blonde, and beautiful, and she hears she's not a bad dancer—

Rachel freezes, and then it hits her.

She's jealous of the girl who was flirting with Finn Hudson. She's _jealous_.

Which means she actually has feelings for him.

This is a disaster.

* * *

**tbc**


	6. maybe if we face up to this

**thanks as always for the lovely response!**

**dedicated to mary gael as always!**

**title of this chapter is from 'same mistakes' by one direction ;)**

* * *

**Staring at a Crooked Crown**

_chapter six: maybe if we face up to this we can make it through this_

She really doesn't know what to do once she's realized that she has actual _feelings_ for Finn, and not the kind where she simply wants to kiss him or even have sex with him; no, she thinks she wants to be with him on an even more intimate level.

She thinks she might actually want to date Finn Hudson. And she doesn't know what to do about it.

She knows she had a chance when she slept with him, but she blew it mere moments after it was over. And he's clearly not going to wait around for her to come to her senses if the little display with Brittany was anything to go by.

She really wishes she hadn't been so thick-headed about the whole situation and had just followed her heart, which has kind of been pointing in Finn's direction ever since they were assigned this marketing plan.

She leans back into her couch, sighing heavily.

She knows she needs to talk to someone, and there's really only one person that'll be able to help.

* * *

Tina sets down a steaming mug of hot tea in front of her, hovering for a moment. Rachel takes a grateful drink as Tina _finally_ sits down, her hands around her own mug.

"Well, what is it that's so important?" she asks, eyes wide.

Rachel glances over to where Mike's reading the latest copy of Sports Illustrated at the kitchen counter, then back at Tina meaningfully.

Tina gets the message. "Mike, sweetie?"

"Hmm?" He doesn't even look up.

"Mike!"

"What, babe?" He finally looks over at her, eyes wide.

Tina bats her eyelashes. "Can you pretty please excuse Rachel and me? She's going through a crisis, apparently, and I don't think she necessarily wants you to hear about it."

Rachel glares at Tina as Mike quickly excuses himself from the room, saying, "Oh, yeah, of course, sorry!", gathering up his magazine and rapidly hurrying from the room.

"You couldn't have sugarcoated it?" she hisses.

Tina shrugs. "Mike's a big boy; he can handle it. And I just told him what you told me, really!"

Rachel just sighs again, taking another sip of tea.

"What is it you needed to talk to me about, anyway? I'm dying of curiosity here, Rach!"

"Well," Rachel says, and she slowly brings herself to look into Tina's wide, probing eyes, "I think I have developed feelings for someone."

Tina claps her hands excitedly. "It's about time you admitted that you have feelings for Finn!"

"I never said it was _Finn_!" Rachel exclaims indignantly.

Tina raises an eyebrow. "Well, is it Finn?"

"Well, I mean… alright, fine, _yes_, it is, but—"

"A_ha_!" Tina says in triumph, practically slamming her mug of tea onto the table. "I _knew_ it! You were just too stubborn, as usual—"

"Yes, yes, I get it, you told me so," Rachel says with a roll of her eyes. "Can we get on to how I actually _deal_ with this, please?"

Tina laughs, actually laughs, the sound filling the entire kitchen.

Rachel furrows her brow in confusion. "What?"

"Rachel, how can you not see that Finn is insanely into you, if not madly in love with you?"

Now it's Rachel's turn to laugh. "Tina," she wheezes into between giggles, "he may think I'm attractive, but he seriously could have any girl in that office. In fact, he _has_. So if he's into me, it's probably not in the same way I'm into him."

Tina just gives her another look, her lips pursed.

Rachel pointedly takes another sip of tea.

"Look, the point is, you'll never know where he stands unless you tell him where _you_ stand," Tina says gently. "Whether you want to admit it or not, when you two had sex, it meant something to both of you. Maybe especially you," she allows, noticing Rachel opening her mouth to protest, "but you said he did look hurt when you left, so I think it's safe to say it meant something to him, too."

Rachel bites her lip, looking down into her cup. She supposes Tina is right. Finn has been acting strangely, and looking at her in a peculiar way sometimes – almost in a way that makes her think that maybe he _does_ care about her after all, in a deeper way than just a physical sense.

"Just… give it a chance, Rach," Tina says quietly, patting the back of her hand.

"But what if…" Rachel takes a deep breath in, blinking furiously. "What if he doesn't feel the same way? I mean, we still have to work together and – and I don't want to be just another girl chasing after Finn Hudson—"

"Rachel, did you ever stop to think that maybe he's not actually that guy and that maybe he's legitimately interested in you?"

Rachel just stares at her, but Tina stares poignantly back. "Well, no," Rachel admits finally. "I guess I haven't."

"Just give him a chance, Rach," Tina says. "I've seen the two of you together, and believe me, there's something there."

Rachel sighs. "I don't know, Tee…"

"Rachel," Tina says, her voice serious, "just stop thinking about it for a minute. Think about what your heart wants. I know you think it's cheesy, but what does your heart tell you? What do you want, Rachel?"

Rachel's heart thrums in her chest, and with every beat, she becomes more sure of the answer. "Finn," she whispers.

Tina gives her a small smile, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "Then go for it."

Rachel just gulps down more tea, and she considers taking some aspirin. She knows she should listen to Tina, to her _heart_, and tell Finn how she feels, but she just doesn't know.

She's still afraid of the sting of rejection.

* * *

She's on high alert the next day at work. She's jumpy and anxious, and she feels like her feelings are written across her face, that anyone who looks at her can tell that she has feelings for Finn Hudson.

She's seen him twice this morning: Once when she got out of the elevator, and she quickly walked to her cubicle, pretending she couldn't hear him when he called out her name. The other time, she was on her way to the ladies room, but she immediately immersed herself in deep conversation with Mercedes as he passed by so he wouldn't try to talk to her instead.

She knows she's a coward, but she really just doesn't even know what to _say_ to him or how to act, really.

She's staring at her computer screen. She's supposed to be reading an email from Will, but she's read the same sentence about seven times. She just can't focus; her heart keep pounding; her hands keep shaking.

This is ridiculous. She should just simply go up to Finn, say that she has feelings for him, and then come back and actually do work. Surely it could be that simple.

She's chewing on the inside of her lip, contemplating this scenario, when there's a light knock on the doorway of her cubicle.

She jumps a bit, her hand flying to her chest where her heart is pounding out a rhythmic beat. She turns around to see Brittany, clutching a stack of envelopes.

"Oh, hi," Rachel manages to get out. "You scared me there!"

"Mail call," Brittany says, her voice a monotone, holding out a few of the envelopes for Rachel to take.

Rachel's fingers close around the letters, and she glances at them. One seems to be from Emma Pillsbury's agent, and the other one from Emma herself. "Thanks, Brittany," she replies, but Brittany doesn't move, just continues to stare at her.

Rachel clears her throat.

Brittany just stares.

Finally, Rachel asks, her voice sweeter than usual, "Brittany? Can I assist you with something or—?"

"You like Finn."

It's not a question, and Rachel's eyes widen. "I – I mean, yeah, I like him – it would be terrible working with him on this project if I didn't—"

"No," Brittany says, her stare still unwavering, "you _like_ him, like you wanna bone him and somewhere down the line have his gigantor babies."

Rachel feels her cheeks pink. "Brittany, I'm sure I don't know what you're—"

"I saw how you looked the other day when I was in his office," Brittany says. "You looked jealous."

"I – I wasn't—"

"You were," Brittany says simply, and it's clear that it's not up for discussion. "But you should know that you have nothing to be jealous about."

"I – I…" Rachel sputters. She doesn't know how to respond.

"I tried to sleep with him, but he turned me down," Brittany says with a shrug, obviously not too torn up about it. "That's what we were talking about when I was in there, about how he couldn't take me up on my offer. And then you came in, and his face lit up, and it made sense why he didn't." Brittany cocks her head. "And I could tell you feel the same way about him."

Rachel swallows, because is it really that obvious? "Brittany, I don't think it's that simple—"

"Yeah, it is," Brittany says. "Or at least it could be if you weren't scared. Why are you scared?"

Rachel opens her mouth, but then she closes it. She doesn't know what to say. That she's scared of rejection? According to Brittany, that's not a fear she should have in this situation.

"I just think that two people that care about each other as much as the two of you obviously do should be together," Brittany says with another shrug, and then she turns to go.

Rachel bites her lip, then says, "Hey, Brittany." Brittany turns back around, her blonde hair swishing around her shoulders. "Thanks."

Brittany smiles then, a wide smile that spreads practically from ear to ear. And then she's gone.

Rachel lets out another little sigh before turning back to her computer monitor. She goes back to trying to read Will's email, and then she feels a small grin spreading across her face.

Even _Brittany_ thinks that Finn might feel the same way, and what could she possibly have to gain from lying about it?

Rachel makes up her mind. After lunch, she's going straight to Finn's cubicle to tell him how she feels.

* * *

Her heart pounds in her chest as she throws away the brown paper sack she brought her lunch in today, and even though her palms are sweating, she's determined to stick to her resolve.

She's going to tell Finn Hudson how she feels about him, and nothing's going to get in her way.

The walk to his cubicle seems longer than usual, her feet seemingly heavy as she makes the trek. Her heart pounds in her chest as she passes Sugar's desk, where she's not even pretending to work but is checking her nails and chomping obnoxiously on her gum. Has Finn dated her? She can't remember, but she thinks he might have.

She takes in a deep breath and keeps walking. She glances over to see Santana from accounting, smirking at her like she knows something she doesn't, and Rachel's pretty sure that Santana has been linked to Finn, and she feels sick.

What is she _doing_? Once he has her, isn't her just going to throw her away like the rest of them?

She keeps walking, but her resolve is wavering, and suddenly she's not so sure why she thought being with Finn is such a good idea in the first place. Sure, he seems to be different when it's just him and her, but what if he's not? What if it's all an act? What if she's just like the others, another notch in his bed post, another thing to brag about?

She's coming up on his cubicle, and she knows she should just turn into the doorway, march up to him and say, "Finn, I have feelings for you" and kiss him square on the mouth, but she finds herself passing it, her footsteps quickening.

She can't do it. She's still a coward.

She takes in another deep breath as she keeps walking, and she doesn't see him poke his head out of the cubicle as he watches her walk away, his mouth set in a frown and his brow furrowed in confusion.

* * *

She feels like an absolute _idiot_, and she doesn't dare leave her cubicle for the rest of the day. She reads the letters from both Emma and her agent that Brittany delivered earlier, giving her details on what they'd like to see in the marketing plan, and she emails a few connections she has in regards to the book tour.

She even stays until 5:45, when she's sure she's the only one left in the office besides Will, who stays until six on most days. She gingerly gathers up all of her things, packing up her bag before stepping out into the hallway. She digs around in her purse, looking for her cell phone, and she just can't seem to find it. She's about to double back to her cubicle because maybe she left it on her desk when she finally finds it.

"Aha!" she says aloud, brandishing the phone.

"Talking to yourself, Berry?"

She jumps, her hand flying up to cover her pounding heart.

Finn just smirks at her, leaning against the wall next to the elevator.

"I – I thought everyone was gone," she manages to get out, and suddenly her throat feels really dry.

"You going to that great of lengths to avoid me?" he asks.

"I – I'm not avoiding—"

"Rachel, cut the bullshit."

She glares at him, crossing her arms, her expression defiant. "What do you want me to say, Finn?"

He looks a little taken aback, but he says, "I want to know what I've obviously done to offend you! I mean, one minute you're pissed off at me, the next I think you might have some sort of romantic feelings for me. It's just hard to keep up, Rach."

Her heart starts pounding even faster, and she swallows, pointedly turning toward the elevator and jabbing the down button.

"Rachel," he says, and his voice is quieter now, softer in the empty office. "Please, just _talk _to me!"

She sighs, and she's considering telling him everything when the elevator doors slide open. Seemingly saved, she steps inside, but to her dismay, he follows her.

The doors slide closed, and she looks up at the ceiling. She can't possibly look at him right now, can't take in his wounded expression and sad amber eyes.

He steps in front of her, gently grabbing her arms. "Rachel, I seriously have no idea what I did to you. Please enlighten me."

"You and me, we just – we don't get along, Finn," she says, and she's still not looking at him. "We never have."

"We've been getting along fine!" he says hotly. "Ever since this project, I thought things were changing between us, I mean, we _slept_ together Rachel, we had _sex_, and you can try to sweep it under the rug as much as you want but the point is it _happened_—"

"Don't bring that up!" Rachel finds herself snapping, and she takes a step backward, out of his grasp. "You know I don't want to talk about that."

"Why?" he challenges. "Because you felt something real? Something for me?" He takes a step forward, but he doesn't reach out to touch her again. "Because I felt something, Rachel. I mean, I've always felt something, but this… it was different. For the first time since I've known you, _you_ were different."

She finally looks him in the eyes. His expression is soft, pleading, and she feels her lips begin to tremble. "Finn," she says softly, her voice barely louder than a whisper, "we – I can't—"

"Why not?" he asks, and his hand comes up to cup her cheek. Her eyes flutter closed momentarily as she feels his fingers against her skin.

"We're too different—"

"No, we're not." His voice is still soft and sure.

"We'll end up resenting each other—"

"I could never resent you."

"I'll just end up being another number to you, another girl you can look at and say that you had but never really cared about!"

He stops caressing her cheek, purses his lips. "Is that what you really think of me?" he asks in the same quiet voice. "Is that what you think I do?"

"I – I used to," she whispers.

"And now?" he prods.

She bites her lip. "I'm not sure. I mean, when it's just us, I manage to forget everything except how _wonderful _you are, and I—"

"Rachel," he breathes, and then he's kissing her, his lips pressing insistently, urgently against her own. She whimpers, but she melts into his touch, covering his hands on either side of her face with her own. She opens her mouth wide enough to allow his tongue access, and she's wondering why she's fought this off for so long.

The elevator dings, and the doors slide open. Rachel's breathing heavily as she pulls away.

"I'm not using you," he murmurs, his thumb moving back and forth slowly across the skin of her cheek. "I don't want to hurt you."

She looks at him, and he's looking back with such reverence, such honesty, that she finds herself nodding. "Okay."

"Okay?"

She nods again, stepping out of the elevator and biting her lip to hide a smile. He follows her once more, and when they get into the lobby, he kisses her again. She kisses back before remembering the security guards at the front desk, gently pushing against his chest to get him to stop. His lips are slightly swollen when he pulls away, but he's smiling, a special smile she thinks might be just for her. It's definitely her favorite smile, possibly in the world.

One of the security guards just looks at them knowingly, but Finn doesn't seem to mind, simply lacing his fingers with hers as they head out of the building.

"How about I cook you dinner at my place?" he asks. "Just to prove to you that my intentions are really honorable after all."

She blushes. "That sounds nice," she says, and he smiles before hailing a cab.

As she's pressed against him in the backseat of the taxi, his hand rubbing circles on her knee, she thinks that she has was stupid to think this would end badly. She really has no idea what she was afraid of.

She leans her head on his shoulder, and he wraps an arm around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

* * *

**tbc**


	7. i'll surrender up my heart

**i sincerely apologize for the long wait for this chapter, but i started a different fic and got distracted by the olympics - they are seriously all i've watched and been consumed with for over a week now! hopefully this chapter isn't _too_ disappointing, and it's definitely an m rated one!**

**dedicated as always to mary gael**

**title of this chapter comes from 'lego house' by ed sheeran**

* * *

**Staring at a Crooked Crown**

_chapter seven: i'll surrender up my heart_

Finn does make her dinner at his apartment, but it's not long before they get distracted by _other_ things, and that's how Rachel finds herself pressed into his mattress, her breathing ragged as he presses his lips against the column of her throat. She feels her heart pounding in her chest as her fingers tangle in Finn's hair, and she wonders how she could have ever denied herself something that feels as good as this.

"I thought about this every day," he whispers against her skin. "I thought about your smile, your breath in my ear, the sounds you make when you come." He presses a kiss against her ear, to her cheek, to her chin.

"Me, too," she manages to get out, her fingers curling against his scalp. She feels his fingers slide under her blouse, feels them press against her skin. "I tried not to, but—" She breathes in sharply as he bites down gently on her neck, his tongue quickly darting out to soothe the bite. "I couldn't help it."

She sees him smirk for a moment, then his mouth is pressed against hers, his tongue easily pushing into her mouth, and she kisses him back eagerly, bunching the fabric of his shirt in her hands.

He pulls away to slide her shirt up her abdomen, and she raises her arms so he can whip it over her head. It's barely off before he begins pressing open-mouthed kisses against the exposed skin of her breasts peaking up over her bra, and she sighs, her eyes fluttering closed. She tugs insistently on his shirt again, and he pulls away just long enough to shuck it off before he crushes his mouth back to hers. She moans, his tongue licking the back of her teeth, and she really wonders why she ever tried to pretend that she didn't want this, because this feeling, like she's on fire, is certainly one of the best feelings in the world.

She feels his fingers sliding under the waistband of her skirt, and his lips trail down her neck as he gently tugs the material down, scooting it down her thighs. She lifts herself up so he can get it past her ass, over her knees, and finally, off completely. She giggles as he throws it haphazardly across the room, and he looks at her with a certain glint in his eye before continuing his way down her torso. He kisses the tops of her still-covered breasts, kisses his way down her sternum, down the smooth plane of her stomach, and hooks his fingers into the elastic of her underwear.

She feels her breath hitch as he slides the fabric off her legs, lifting her up to effectively do so, and once he's completely freed her from them, he tosses them in the direction of her skirt, pressing a few soft kisses to her thighs. She takes in another ragged breath, and she can feel him breathing against her.

"So wet," he mutters, and she shivers. He looks up at her, his eyes dark but bright, and then he darts his tongue out to taste her.

She moans, her hands already tangling in his hair, and he licks up her slit again, his teeth nipping ever-so-lightly at her clit. She already feels the tension building in her abdomen, and can't help but let out a few breathy moans as his tongue curls inside of her, one hand on her thigh, the other pressed against her stomach. She bucks her hips against his mouth, wanting more, and suddenly it's like his mouth is everywhere at once. He slides the hand that's on her thigh so that one finger slides into her instead, and she doesn't think she'll be able to hold on much longer as he pumps it in and out of her. He continues to nip and suck at her core, his tongue now swirling around her clit, and then suddenly the coil that's been tightening in her stomach comes undone and so does she, but he doesn't cease his ministrations until she's completely finished.

She pants, trying to catch her breath as he crawls back up her body to lie down beside her, smoothing her bangs out of her face. He cups her cheek with one hand, his thumb sweeping over her skin, and she feels herself blush as he watches her, his eyes warm.

"Hi," he says softly.

She laughs, a little breathless giggle. "Hi."

"Should I get a condom now, or…?"

She shakes her head. "Pill," she whispers, dragging a finger down his cheek.

He kisses her, and she can taste herself on his tongue, which kind of turns her on all over again. She moves her hand over his stomach as she kisses him, and in a sudden rush of boldness, she moves to straddle him, her knees planted on either side of his waist. He raises his eyebrows, but he doesn't say anything as his hand curls around the back of her neck, bringing her face down to his so he can kiss her.

She moves her hips slightly against his, even though she's bare and he still has on his boxers and jeans. His hand moves down her back, resting on her bra clasp. He easily undoes it, sliding the straps down her shoulders, pressing a few kisses against her shoulder, her collar bone once he's thrown the bra in the direction of the other clothing. He palms one breast while he envelopes the other with his mouth, his tongue swirling around her nipple, and she feels her eyes roll back into her head as she throws her head back. He switches sides, giving the other breast equal treatment before she cups his chin and pulls his face back up to hers, kissing him roughly.

She can feel his erection pressing against her stomach even though his jeans, so she rocks her hips against him, and he groans into her mouth.

"Rach," he breathes, fastening his hands to her hips, but she just grins, rocking against him again.

His head rolls back, and she quickly unbuttons his jeans, sliding them down his thighs, letting him help her tug them off completely. His boxers are tented, and she grins, feeling impossible wetter at the thought of him inside her.

His eyes are dark and he's licking his lips as she snakes her hand inside his boxers, gently running her fingers over his member. He shivers, and she drags the fingernails of her other hand across his stomach.

"I've denied myself this for so long," she murmurs, still stroking him. "I didn't want to admit how badly I enjoyed this, how much I wanted it. Do you want this, Finn?"

He nods fervently.

"Tell me," she commands softly.

"I want this," he croaks out, his hand circling around her wrist. "Please, Rachel. I want _you_."

She grins then, peeling off his boxers, his hand on her waist as she slides them down just far enough to reveal his erection. She's once again a little thrown by the sheer size of him, but she knows this time, at least, that he'll fit.

She lifts herself up slightly, letting his hands settle on her hips, and then she lowers herself down onto him, letting him fill and stretch her completely. She gasps at the sensation – she forgot it felt _this good_ – and she lets herself get used to him for a moment. She takes in a shallow breath, then she begins to move, bouncing up and down. His raises his hips to meet hers, and she moans, moving his hands so they're on her breasts. He knows what she wants, and he begins to squeeze them gently, pinching her nipples. She throws her head back, dragging one hand down his chest as she rides him, feeling herself already coming close to her peak.

"R-Rach," he grunts. "Close."

She just moves faster, impaling herself on him over and over. His drops one of his hands between them, his thumb circling her clit, and they both let go at the same time.

The feeling is mindblowing and fantastic and surely she wasn't living before this. How could she have thought she could live without this feeling?

He rubs small circles on her stomach as she comes down from her high, and she gives him a lazy smile before rolling off of him, utterly spent. She stares at the ceiling, trying to catch her breath.

Finn easily winds his arm around her middle, drawing her to him and pressing a kiss against her shoulder. She smiles, snuggling into him. Finn Hudson was a cuddler, who knew?

"Finn?" she asks quietly.

"Hmm?"

"You have to promise not to break my heart, okay?"

He props himself up on his elbow, and she can see the concern etched on his face. "Rachel, I told you, I'm not that guy you think I am, the guy that just uses a girl for sex and throws her away. I wanna be with you, like for real, not just because I think you're hot – even though I _do_ find you incredibly sexy. But I also like your spirit and your strength and – and even your stubbornness. I like _you_, Rachel. And I promise that I'm not going to break your heart."

She grins, leaning up to kiss him again, cupping his cheek with her hand, her thumb caressing his skin. "I'm sorry I judged you," she murmurs.

"'S fine," he whispers back. "I mean, I thought you were kind of uptight for a while, but now I know that you're not uptight _all_ the time." He waggles his eyebrows so she knows what he's referring to.

She raises an eyebrow. "I'm not uptight!" she says indignantly.

"And there's the stubbornness," Finn mutters, but before she can retort, he's pressing his mouth back against hers.

* * *

She has to leave Finn's early the next morning so she can go back to her apartment and shower as well as getting a new outfit for the day – because she may have finally given in to her feelings for Finn, but she is not about to do the walk of shame, especially into work.

He kisses her goodbye approximately five times, each kiss getting longer than the last, and he nearly convinces her to partake in another morning round before she finally tears herself away.

She's almost late to work, but she somehow manages to barely get there on time. It's kind of a slow day, and she's been tempted to go visit Finn in his cubicle, but she doesn't want to appear desperate or attached to his hip, so she's remained in her own workspace, staring idly at the computer. To her chagrin, however, she just can't seem to wipe the smile of her face that's been there since the night before.

There's a light knock on the side of her cubicle, and she spins around, her smile widening, expecting to see Finn. Tina raises her eyebrows.

"Hey, Rach, you seem extra… happy today."

Rachel shrugs, trying to write off Tina's comment, but she has to turn around to hide the smile that's already reappearing on her face.

"Oh my God," Tina breathes, and she sits in the only other chair in the cubicle. "Rachel Berry, you _totally_ had sex last night, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Rachel insists, but she has to bite her lip to keep a smile from appearing on her face.

Tina just narrows her eyes. "Who was it? Rachel, _spill_."

Rachel just grins, giving a little shrug.

"It was Finn, wasn't it?" Tina demands.

Rachel just smiles wider, ducking her head.

"_Oh my God_!" Tina hisses. "Rachel, you have to tell me _everything_."

Rachel laughs, and she's about to divulge the entire story when there's another knock on the side of her cubicle. This time she looks over to see Finn, leaning against the side casually. His hair's in more of a disarray than usual, and she's reminded of the night before, when it was her hands tugging at his hair that made it stick up. She blushes a bit at the memory.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Finn asks with a little cheeky grin, almost as if he knew _exactly_ what they were about to start talking about.

"Oh, no!" Tina insists, standing up abruptly. "I was just leaving, actually!" She gives Rachel a look that clearly implies that she is not off the hook and is supposed to spill all the details later, and Rachel's sure the glance does not go unnoticed by Finn.

He, however, merely raises his eyebrows as Tina leaves, taking her abandoned seat. "Bragging about me already?" he asks with a little smirk.

She rolls her eyes. "You wish."

He grins, cupping her chin and leaning over to kiss her lightly.

"_Finn_," she hisses, "we're at work—"

He kisses her again, and she's slightly annoyed he's seemed to find a way to effectively make her stop talking, but then she just focuses on her lips on hers, and all of her frustration melts away.

"Better?" Finn murmurs against her lips.

She nods. "Much."

"Good." She thinks he's going to kiss her again, but then he pulls away, leaving her to pout. "Sorry, baby, but you're right, we're at work."

She opens her mouth in outrage (ignoring the way her heart turns over in her chest because he called her _baby_), but he just winks, standing up. "I'll see you at lunch, Rach."

"Will you?" she asks.

"I think I will," he says confidently, and then he leaves.

She huffs, half annoyed, half completely excited at the prospect of lunch with Finn. She's just turned back to her computer when she hears someone else walk in.

"Finn, I told you, I'd see you at – oh, hey, Tee!"

"Seriously, you have a _lot_ of explaining to do," Tina tells her, sitting in the chair abandoned by Finn.

Rachel sighs, but she flushes, secretly pleased that everything's worked out so well that she wants to talk about it. "Well, I thought I was the last one here at work last night…" she begins, Tina listening intently.

* * *

She assumes she and Finn will be eating in the break room for lunch, so she's a little surprised when he's waiting for her by the elevator on her lunch break.

"Aren't we going to eat?" she asks.

He nods. "Yeah, but… there's kind of someplace I wanna take you, if that's okay with you. I told Will it was a business meeting for us to talk about the book promotion plan, so he extended our lunch hour."

She just nods, a little mystified as she follows him into the elevator. She blushes a little bit as the doors closed, reminded of what happened the last time they shared an elevator, the way he pressed her against the wall of it and kissed her senseless.

He gives a sideways glance, smirking a little, and she knows he's remembering, too. He reaches over and grabs her hand, intertwining her fingers with his. She just smiles back at him.

* * *

He takes her to a little quaint café a couple of blocks away, and she has to admit, it looks rather romantic.

"Is this a date, Mr. Hudson?" she teases, looking at him over the top of her menu. "Or is it just a business meeting?"

"Well, it's certainly not a business meeting," he tells her, and she giggles. "There will actually be no work talk allowed. This is simply an opportunity for us to get to know each other even better than we already do. Because I want to know everything about you, Rachel Berry," he tells her, his eyes bright.

She gives him a small smile. "This sounds lovely, Finn."

And it is lovely. She tells him all about her childhood in the city, about growing up with two gay fathers, and how she always thought, even growing up, that she'd be on Broadway by now. He tells her about growing up with a single parent in Ohio, how his dad died in Iraq when he was a baby, and how, like she already knew, she actually is interested in sports journalism. He also tells her about his stepdad, Burt, and his stepbrother, Kurt, who also lives in the city. She can tell by the way that he talks about them that he really loves his family a lot.

"Kurt's really into fashion and stuff, which is kind of cool," Finn says offhandedly. "He's actually a writer, too. He writes for a fashion magazine."

"That's really great," Rachel says, twirling some pasta onto her fork. "It seems like you really adore your stepbrother."

"Yeah, I mean, he's like my real brother, you know?" He shrugs. "You're probably tired of hearing about my family…"

"No, no," she tells him quickly, "I really enjoy hearing you talk about them, actually! I'm and only child, so I don't know what it's like to have a sibling. I always wanted one, though."

"Well, I was an only child until my mom married Burt when I was sixteen, so I can definitely relate," Finn tells her, his tone somewhat teasing, and she laughs. It's just so _easy_ to talk to Finn, just so easy to relate to him and be attracted to him.

She really thinks it was about a million times harder to pretend that she wasn't attracted to him. Finn's right when he said she was stubborn, as much as she hates to admit it.

They end up taking two hours for lunch, but it seems much shorter than that because the conversation just flows so easily. Before she knows it, however, Finn's paying the bill ("This was a date, after all," he tells her when she tries to protest), and they're walking the two blocks back to the office. He takes her hand as they walk, and she doesn't remember ever feeling the way he makes her feel: Like she's truly appreciated and cared for and he just makes her so _happy._

It's nearly 2:30 by the time they reenter the building, still holding hands. They say hello to the security guards behind the desk, and the one from the previous night just gives them a knowing look. Her cheeks burn at the memory of him catching her and Finn making out in the lobby, but before she can dwell on it, Finn's tugging her into the elevator.

The doors shut and then, once he sees that they're alone, he pins her against the wall, kissing her fiercely.

Rachel knows that she should push him away, should be mindful of her hair and makeup, but his tongue is slipping into her mouth and her hands find his arms and she just can't bring herself to focus on anything but the feel of his mouth on hers.

He pulls away before kissing her once, twice, a third time, caressing her cheek as he stares into her eyes. She smiles shyly at him, leaning up to kiss him one more time.

At that moment, the elevator doors spring open.

Rachel practically jumps away from Finn like she's been electrocuted, her hand still outstretched toward him. Finn's frozen as well, and it's pretty clear as to why.

Will is staring at the both of them, and he doesn't look very happy. Rachel can see Tina's alarmed face behind him.

"Finn, Rachel," Will says, "I think we need to have a talk."

* * *

**tbc**


	8. let the tide swallow me whole

**i've been getting ready for college, hence why updates have been farther apart! i really hope this installment was worth the wait!**

**chapter title from 'where we went wrong' by the hush sound**

* * *

**Staring at a Crooked Crown**

_chapter eight: let the tide swallow me whole_

Will surveys them both carefully, his arms crossed as he leans back against his desk.

Rachel fidgets, glancing uneasily over at Finn. He looks quite uncomfortable as well.

"So," Will says, looking between the two of them, "that must've been some business meeting you two had, seeing as you were gone for two hours."

"We got a lot done," Finn says quickly.

Will raises a dubious eyebrow. "Well, maybe you did, but regardless, you two didn't just discuss cover designs and marketing strategies, did you?"

Finn and Rachel share a guilty look.

Will sighs heavily. "You two have put me in one hell of a position, you know that?"

Now Rachel's confused. "What?" she manages to get out. "I – I don't understand." She glances over at Finn, and he looks just as confused as she is.

"How long have you two been together?" Will asks instead, his tone accusatory.

"Like, a day," Finn says exasperatedly. "We didn't mean for this to _happen_, Will, I swear! It just _did_."

Will purses his lips. He looks between the two of them, his expression stony. "And what happens if you break up? If things end badly? What am I supposed to do if my two best agents hate each other?"

Rachel has to choke back a laugh – because that's kind of what it was like before – but she covers it up as a cough, earning herself two weird looks: One from Finn and one from Will.

"This is pretty new for both of us," Finn says instead, and Rachel feels incredibly grateful for him in that moment. He glances back over at her, and she gives him a small smile, her smile widening when he reaches over to grab her hand, squeezing her fingertips.

Will clears his throat, and they both turn back to look at him. Rachel immediately drops Finn's hand.

"Look," Rachel says, "I don't know where this is going yet. I can't tell you if Finn and I will be together forever, or – or anything like that, but—"

"You just need to realize that mixing work and pleasure is a serious, serious thing," Will interjects, and Rachel feels anger bubbling up inside her. Didn't she _just_ catch him making out with one of his clients a few days before? "How do you know that this won't interfere with your work ethic, with your focus?"

Rachel resists the urge to roll her eyes, but before she can retort, Finn says, "This campaign is still our number one priority, Will, I assure you."

Will just glances between the two of them again, a frown still set on his face, but he sighs. "Fine." Seeing their perplexed expressions, he adds, "I'm not necessarily happy about this, but if you two think you can handle this…" He exhales. "I guess I'm not going to stand in your way."

Finn beams, reaching back over to squeeze Rachel's hand. "We'll handle everything, I promise," Finn says, standing up and tugging Rachel with him. She can't help but smile back at him.

Will just raises his eyebrows as they leave his office, eyeing their linked hands suspiciously. Rachel chooses to ignore him, following Finn without so much as another word to Will.

Rachel shuts the door behind them, conscious of Finn's hand firmly within her own, and when she looks up, she swallows, because she hadn't realize they had an audience. Nearly every other person in the office is looking in their direction. Some people are smirking, others have wide eyes, and then there's Tina, walking determinedly towards them.

"Come on," Rachel hisses, dragging Finn down the hallway, past nearly every person in the office, and into an empty conference room across the way.

"Rachel!" Tina hisses, a bewildered look on her face when they pass her, but Rachel sends her a look she hopes she'll understand as _I'll tell you later_. She doesn't follow them inside the conference room, so she seems to get the message.

"Rach," Finn says as she shuts the door behind them, "I'm not necessarily opposed to another heated makeout session at the office, but based on the conversation we just had with Will, it's probably not the best idea…"

"Just shut up for a minute," she advises.

Finn just raises his eyebrows. "Rach, c'mon, you know Will's just looking out for the company—"

"Remember the other day when I came into your cubicle and you were talking to Brittany?" she asks instead, cutting him off.

"Um, yeah," he says slowly, "but you left kind of quickly." He pauses, and he seems to realize something. "Oh my God, were you _jealous of Brittany?_"

Rachel feels her cheeks redden. "Yes, well, that's not – the reason why I was even in there in the first place was because I had to tell you something, and after what we just sat through in there, it just makes Will look like a hypocrite."

Finn furrows his brow, his tongue darting out to wet his lips before he asks, "Rach, what're you talking about?"

Rachel takes in a deep breath, then she says, (very quickly and practically all in one breath) "When I forgot my bag in the conference room, I went back to get it and I caught Will and Emma making out."

"Wait, like… Emma Pillsbury?" Finn asks slowly. "Like, the author of _Love Bites_?"

Rachel nods.

"No _fucking _way," Finn breathes. "And he was on us while he was…" He shakes his head.

"It just makes me so _angry_!" Rachel spits out, and she begins to pace. "It's just this – this double standard! I had half a mind to ask him what would happen if he and Emma broke up or bad things resulted from whatever it is that they're doing, because that could cause us to lose her business, for one, but I didn't because I'd prefer to keep my job. It's just…" She whirls around to look at Finn, her breathing still heavy. "What right does he have to dictate our relationship when he's doing practically the exact same thing?"

Finn crosses the room then, enveloping her in his arms. She takes in a deep breath, just breathing him in, and she immediately feels safer. Calmer, almost. His hand moves up and down her back, and she wraps her arms around him, squeezing him gently.

He cups the back of her head, moving his hand over her hair as he moves back to look at her. "Better?" he whispers.

She nods. "Yeah." And strangely enough, him being so close does make her feel better.

He gives her a smile, leaning down to press his lips lightly against hers, and she knows they really shouldn't because of what Will told them minutes before, but she can't help but lose herself in him, if just for a moment.

After a few seconds, she pulls away, glancing up at him from beneath her eyelashes. His eyes are still shut, his lips still set in a slight pout, and she smiles, smoothing her thumb over them. He opens his eyes as his hands settle on her waist, squeezing lightly.

"We should get back to work," she murmurs.

He sighs, but he lets her go.

"I have to go talk to Tina anyway," Rachel says with a sigh, opening the conference room door. She pauses, turning back to look at him. "What're you doing later?"

He grins. "Nothing, why?"

"Well," she says, "I just think it's my turn to cook for you."

He grins, and his smile is the last thing she sees before she closes the door behind her.

* * *

Tina's already waiting for her in her cubicle, perched on the edge of Rachel's desk, her expression imploring.

"Hey, Tee," Rachel says tiredly.

"Did you get fired?" Tina asks, nearly cutting her off.

"Wh – no!"

"Did _Finn_ get fired?"

"Tina, no."

"Well, did you two get taken off the marketing campaign?"

Rachel shakes her head. "No, he basically just… gave us a warning."

Tina furrows her brow. "That's _it_?" she asks in an incredulous whisper.

"Well, yeah, he said that as long as our personal relationship doesn't interfere with our professional one, it shouldn't be a problem."

Tina raises an eyebrow. "So there definitely is a personal relationship now?"

Rachel feels herself blush, but she bites her lip, nodding.

Tina squeals. "Rachel Barbra Berry!"

"Shh," Rachel shushes her halfheartedly, but she can feel a grin spreading across her face. "Not so loud, I think the office has found out enough about mine and Finn's love life for the day."

Tina practically bounces up and down in her seat. "So what did you talk about on your lunch date? Because I _know_ that was no business meeting, plus you _were_ making out in the elevator afterwards…"

Rachel blushes again, smoothing down the back of her skirt before sitting in her desk chair. "Oh, just ourselves. Sort of getting to know each other better, really, instead of just…"

"Having sex?" Tina supplies.

Rachel nods, feeling her blush deepening. "Not that the sex isn't _amazing_, because it is, it's just… If we want this to be an actual relationship, we have to base it on more than that."

Tina nods. "I completely agree," she says with a nod. "And I always figured you two would be compatible if you just gave him a chance!"

Rachel rolls her eyes. "You figured a lot of things about Finn and me before all of this, didn't you, Tee?"

Tina nods, smiling happily. "And you would've realized it sooner if you weren't so stubborn! Finn's been into you for forever, you know."

Rachel flushes. "You really think so?" she asks, biting her lip.

"Oh, yes," Tina says knowingly. "It's been written all over his face for weeks. Whenever he sees you, he just lights up. You've just been too blind to see it."

Rachel doesn't think she could stop blushing if she tried. Has it really been that obvious to everyone but her? Had he really been interested in her for that long, even when she had been an absolute _jerk_ to him? She completely misjudged Finn, and she has no idea why he's even with her. She'll have to make it up to him, and it'll have to be a big gesture.

* * *

She does make dinner for him that night, true to her word, and he doesn't even seem to mind that it's all vegetarian friendly food.

"It's part of who you are, Rach, and I wanna know every part of you," he reminds her as he holds her hand over the table, his thumb brushing over the back of it. "And this stuff's pretty good," he adds, taking a bite of his pasta.

She just beams, forking some of her own pasta into her mouth. She starts thinking about the conversation she had with Tina earlier, and she can't help but remember how terrible she had been to Finn in the months prior.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asks her quietly. It kind of amazes her how well he can read her, honestly.

"I – I was really terrible to you, Finn," she says quietly. "These past few months, I – I was extremely short with you, and I judged you, and now…"

Finn's just looking at her. "And now?" he prompts.

"You shouldn't even want to be with me," she whispers. "Not after everything I put you through."

"Rachel…"

"Why _do _you want to be with me?" she finds herself asking.

Finn doesn't miss a beat, and he doesn't let go of her hand. "Because you're beautiful, and confident, and even when you were yelling at me or snapping at me for looking at your ass – which I will now freely admit I did on many an occasion – you were insanely hot."

She giggles despite herself.

"Yeah, you're stubborn, but you're feisty and you don't take crap from anyone, which is one of the reasons why I'm so attracted to you."

"Really?" she asks, somewhat shyly.

"Really," he promises, and he brings her hand to his mouth and presses a kiss to her skin. "You're amazing, Rachel Berry. And one day, you'll get out of this publishing business and you'll be on to bigger and better things. You'll be on Broadway and you'll reach your dreams, and I really hope I'm around to see it happen."

She gives him a small smile, murmuring, "I really hope you are, too," before leaning across the table to press a lingering kiss against his lips. "Thanks, Finn," she whispers when she pulls away.

"Anytime, babe."

She just grins, kissing him again.

* * *

Things run smoothly over the course of the next week. They aren't caught canoodling at work, and they make plenty of time to see each other outside of the office. She's nearly constantly over at his place or he's at hers, and she really doesn't know why she resisted being with him like this for so long. She didn't know if Finn was even capable of all this relationship stuff, but it turns out he's possibly even better at it than she is. He holds her hand in public, gives her his jacket when she's cold, and even sometimes presses small kisses to the crown of her head just because he feels like it.

Being with Finn makes her feel impossibly warm and fuzzy inside, and she's kind of surprised at how easy it is for her to imagine a future with him.

She knows that imagining a future leads to making bigger steps with their relationship, so that's why she's currently baking a cake in preparation for meeting Finn's brother, Kurt.

"Rach, you don't have to bake anything," Finn reminds her, as he leans against her kitchen counter. "Not that your cakes aren't _awesome_," he adds hastily when she shoots a glare his way, "it's just that my brother's probably going to love you, cake or no cake."

"Well, that may be true," Rachel acknowledges, because based on what Finn's told her, she and Kurt seem to have a lot in common, "but baking a cake can never hurt, you know. It's actually proven to help make situations automatically better."

Finn raises an eyebrow. "Automatically, huh?" he teases.

"Oh, shut up," she mutters, opening the oven to check on the cake for the fifth time in ten minutes.

"Rach, you have a timer set, I think the cake will be fine."

Rachel sighs, shutting the oven, crossing her arms as she backs away. "I know, I know, I just… I want everything to be _perfect_."

"Hey, hey," Finn says, walking around the counter and wrapping his arms around her. He rests his chin on the top of her head. "Everything will be fine, okay? Kurt's going to _love_ you. I know he will."

Rachel gives him a small smile, peeking up at him from underneath her eyelashes.

"You really think so?"

"I know so," he promises.

She kisses his chin, tracing his cheek lightly with her fingertips. "You're too good to me," she whispers.

He laughs, squeezing her hips with his fingers, pressing a kiss against her cheek, then another against the column of her throat. His fingers dip under the hemline of her skirt before she swats his hands away, taking a step back.

"_Finn_!"

"What?" he asks, feigning innocence, but his eyes glint mischievously.

"If we start fooling around, I'll stop paying attention to the cake, and then it will burn, and the entire outing to Kurt's place will be ruined," she says matter-of-factly.

Finn smirks, placing his hands on her hips once more and pulling her flush against him. "That's a risk I'm willing to take," he murmurs against the skin of her neck.

Rachel feels her eyes flutter closed, but then she comes to her senses, pushing him away with a "_Finn_, we can't!"

He sighs dejectedly, finally releasing her. "Okay," he sighs, "I guess I'll just wait until later to seduce you."

She giggles, standing on her tiptoes to press a kiss against his cheek. "Thank you. That's all I ask, baby."

He sighs, kissing her forehead once more before he leaves to go watch television in the living room, leaving her to watch her cake and worry about meeting his brother some more.

Everything will go fine, won't it? Finn's right; she and Kurt will get along just fine. They have to.

(She doesn't want to think about what it will mean if they don't.)

* * *

Kurt gushes over her cake, which causes Finn to nudge her leg with his knee, smirking at her knowingly. Rachel just pointedly refuses to look at him. She doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of being right, of letting him know that she really did worry over nothing.

Kurt's apartment is small but nice, designs pinned up all over the place, various outfits he says he just had to sketch out.

"The creative process, you know," he says wistfully, waving his hand about, gesturing to the pieces of paper.

Rachel nods, taking a sip from her glass of wine.

"But enough about me," Kurt insists. "So, Rachel, I hear you work with Finn?" he asks, forking another bite of cake into his mouth.

Rachel nods. "Yes, for about five years now."

Kurt raises his eyebrows. "Really," he says, his tone almost accusatory as he turns to look at Finn. "This is the girl you've been prattling on about to me for years, and you just now decided to make a move?"

Finn turns red, and Rachel tries to stifle a giggle. "The move was more of a mutual thing," Finn stutters, but Rachel places her hand soothingly on his knee, rubbing her fingers back and forth over the denim of his jeans.

Kurt just chuckles, looking between the two of him. "He thought you hated him, you know," Kurt tells her.

She bites her lip before answering, "Yeah, I kind of thought I hated him, too."

Kurt furrows his brow in confusion. "What changed?"

Rachel shrugs. "I got to know him instead of making assumptions about how I thought him to be." She glances over at Finn, squeezing his knee gently. "Turns out he's not so bad after all."

Finn wraps an arm around her shoulders, pressing a light kiss to the crown of her head.

"You two are actually sickeningly sweet," Kurt says, his nose slightly scrunched. "Have you told Carole yet, Finn?"

Rachel wonders momentarily who Carole could be before Finn says, "No, I haven't told my mom yet, because she's probably going to freak out."

"In a good way," Kurt assures Rachel, patting her hand gently as he notices her worried expression. "Especially when she sees how happy you make Finn."

Rachel feels herself blush.

"So, Finn tells me you sing," Kurt continues on, his eyes bright and shining, "and that you're Broadway bound!"

"Oh, well, I don't know about that…"

"Don't be modest, Rach," Finn insists, nudging her shoulder gently.

"You haven't even heard me sing!" she laughs.

"Sure I have."

"When?" she challenges.

"When you were in the shower a few days ago."

Rachel flushes. "I – I didn't know you heard that."

Finn smirks. "You weren't exactly quiet. And I may not be an expert when it comes to, like, singing and voices and stuff, but yours was really good, Rach. Like, the best I've ever heard."

Rachel blushes again, looking down at the table rather than at Kurt or Finn. "Yeah, well, so far getting others to think that way hasn't gone so well."

"It'll happen," Kurt tells her then, his voice confident. "You just need your big break."

Rachel gives him a smile. She really likes Finn's stepbrother, she's decided. "Well, thank you, Kurt."

He grins back at her. "Now, what would your dream roles be, based on Broadway roles already in existence? I'm a bit of a Broadway junkie myself," he confesses.

"Well, anything Barbra Streisand has done would be ideal, along with Maria from West Side Story, of course—"

"One of my favorites!" Kurt breaks in.

Finn gives a little groan, but Rachel ignores him, knowing that he's probably secretly happy at how well they're getting along.

* * *

"That went really well," Finn says, letting go of her hand when they come to the door of her apartment.

She smiles. "I'm glad. I really enjoyed meeting him."

"I'm glad, too," Finn whispers, and then he leans down to gently press his lips against hers. His hand tangles in her hair, cupping the back of her head as his mouth moves against hers, and she stands on her tiptoes to keep their mouths connected for as long as possible before he pulls away.

"Mmm, are you sure you can't stay tonight?" Rachel whispers, her fingers trailing down his cheek.

He laughs softly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm sure. I have to meet Puckerman for breakfast tomorrow, and we both know I'll either be late or just not go if I spend the night here instead."

She sighs, but she knows he's right, taking a step backward, hand on her doorknob. "Well, then, I guess this is good night," she says, her tone somewhat wistful.

He gives her a half smile, his hand coming up to cup the back of her head, his thumb smoothing over her hair. "Good night," he whispers back.

She swallows, involuntarily shivering. He kisses her one more time, this kiss soft and sweet, and her eyes are still closed as he pulls away.

"I love you."

Her eyes snap open then, and his hand freezes, stopping his ministrations on her hair.

"Wh – what did you say?" she manages to get out.

He looks uncomfortable for a moment, looks like he might take it back, but then he says, his voice confident, "I love you, Rachel."

She just stares back at him, her heart pounding in her chest, hardly daring to breathe.

* * *

**tbc**


	9. coming back into you

**so i'm not dead, and i didn't forget about this story! i just got a little preoccupied with school and other things, but i DO plan on finishing this story! there's i think one more chapter and an epilogue after this chapter, and i really, really hope this was worth the wait!**

**dedicated to laura because her birthday ended literally a few minutes ago, as well as mary gael and shanna who guilted/encouraged me into updating!**

**title of this chapter is from 'mirrors' by justin timberlake :)**

* * *

**Staring at a Crooked Crown**

_chapter nine: coming back into you once i figured it out_

She doesn't know what to say, so she doesn't say anything, just gapes at him.

"Rach," he says and he's not looking at her, but at his feet, "I know this is sudden, but you don't – you don't have to say anything back."

She blinks, licks her lips, finds her voice. "I – I don't?"

He laughs, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Of course not," he says easily, but his tone doesn't match his expression.

"Finn," she says quietly.

He still won't look at her. He drags his foot across the carpeted floor. "I'm gonna head home. I'm pretty worn out, so…"

"Finn," she says again, but he just gives her another small smile. His fingers brush the back of her neck, his lips pressing lightly against her forehead.

"It's okay," he murmurs again as he pulls away. He looks into her eyes, his hand still on her neck. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

She nods, gives him a small smile, and then he turns around, shoves his hands in his pockets, and she watches him walk away.

* * *

He doesn't call her that night, and he doesn't send her a good morning text, and she's really concerned that something has really changed between them, and not for the better.

She doesn't know why she's so scared. She knows she loves him, but she's afraid of what will happen if she admits it, if he breaks her heart somewhere down the line. She's terrified of feeling this way, but she hates that she's hurting Finn in the process.

She tells Tina about what happened, and Tina just gives her this look, lips pursed, and Rachel can tell she's disappointed.

"What?" Rachel asks, immediately defensive, even though she knows why Tina's looking at her like this.

"Finn told you he loved you, and you didn't say anything back," Tina says slowly, leaning against the wall of the elevator, cup of coffee in hand. "Even though you feel the exact same way about him."

Rachel sighs, stares at the floor. "It's not that simple, Tina," she says, but Tina gives her another withering glance as the doors slide open.

"You don't have to complicate things, Rach," Tina says knowingly as she follows her out of the elevator, her heels clacking against the floor. "He's not going to hurt you."

"You can't know that," Rachel snaps, pushing a rogue strand of hair behind her ear as she hurries to her cubicle. "He's – he's _Finn Hudson_, and – and—"

"And he's been nothing but wonderful, Rachel, you've said it yourself," Tina reminds her gently.

Rachel ignores her, sitting in her chair and turning on her computer. She watches the screen load, watches it flicker to life. She's conscious of Tina's eyes still on her, but she refuses to meet her gaze.

"Rachel," Tina says again, and Rachel finally turns to look at her.

"What?" she snaps.

Tina's gaze softens, but she doesn't falter. "Don't psych yourself out about this. You feel real, strong things for Finn, and he feels the same way about you, and that scares you. Don't be consumed by your fear."

Rachel just looks at for a moment, feels her heart pounding in her chest, because she knows that she's right. She's scared, of this situation, of Finn, and of the hold he has on her heart. She just can't quite allow herself to let go there yet, can't let herself let her guard down completely, because if she does that, he could very well break her heart into a thousand pieces, and she definitely can't handle that.

* * *

She doesn't see Finn for a few days. He calls a few times, but she always hangs up fairly quickly, saying she's busy with their upcoming presentation (which isn't untrue), and he always sounds disappointed when he says goodbye, making her stomach churn uncomfortably.

He hasn't said that he's loved her since that night in the hallway, and she's scared that maybe he doesn't now. She wouldn't blame him. She's been treating him terribly.

And it's not that she doesn't love him, because she thinks she might love him more than _anything_, but she just feels like the whole thing is so weird and awkward and she doesn't know how to let him in when she's just so scared of feeling so much. She can't bear the thought of him getting bored or deciding that he doesn't want her after all, can't bear the thought of him walking away.

He hasn't tried to see her in her apartment, and she certainly hasn't invited him, and she thinks that they're growing apart and soon she'll push him away completely, and this isn't what she wanted at all. She just has no idea how to fix this.

* * *

She's not even sure if she and Finn are still together when she ends up in the same elevator as him on Monday morning. They share an awkward smile, and he looks like he wants to reach out, take her hand, but he stops himself, and she can see the pain flash across his face. She hates that she's done this to him, to them.

She swallows, choosing to look at the doors instead of his face. An awkward silence falls, and she's nearly certainly this is the longest elevator ride of her life. He starts tapping his foot (he has to be constantly moving, she's learned, because of the drummer in him, something he told her he likes to do when he has the time), and she thinks she has to say _something_, has to let him know that she doesn't want him to just slip away. She turns toward him, but just as she's about to open her mouth, the doors slide open with a ding.

She shuts her mouth, ducks her head as she steps off the elevator, and she's sure she's missed her chance. She sighs, curses herself for being a coward, but just as she turns toward her cubicle, she feels long, slender fingers circling around her wrist.

She stops, eyes wide, and looks at Finn, his expression eager. "Hey," he says, his voice soft. Her heart pounds erratically in her chest. "Break a leg today, at our presentation."

She stares blankly at him for a minute, then she remembers that they're doing a formal marketing pitch for _Love Bites_ today, and she nods, quickly, averting her gaze. "You, too," she mutters, and she knows her cheeks are flaming. Why has gone and ruined _everything_?

She sees him nod, sees him give her a small smile, and then his fingers leave his skin as he turns and walks away. She stands there for a moment, her heart still thudding against her ribcage, and her skin feels hot from his touch. All she can think about is how she should've told him that she loved him, just now, after his "break a leg," but now it's too late, and she doesn't know when (or if) the time will ever be right.

* * *

The presentation takes place in the big conference room at ten am, and Rachel knows she shouldn't be nervous, but she is, because Will's in there, and so is Emma, and they're going to be judging her ideas and she thinks she might be sick.

"Just breathe," Tina whispers between clenched teeth from her spot near the front, notebook in her lap. Rachel gives her a tight smile.

"Hey," Finn murmurs, and she glances over at him. Strangely, his presence calms her. "You okay?"

She swallows. Nods. "I'm fine," she tells him. She takes in a deep breath. "Now let's knock this presentation dead."

He gives her the first real smile she's seen him wear in days, and she gives him one back in return.

She takes the floor first, thanking everyone for coming. Finn stands by their poster boards, watching her as she lays down the background to the pitch.

"_Love Bites_," she begins, trying to not be too conscious of Will's gaze on her, of the way his pen tap tap taps against the paper, "is a tale of forbidden romance, of the paranormal portrayed in a way that seems natural. Readers can relate to the story, and we definitely plan on playing off of the romance aspect of the novel in our promotion of it."

She glances over at Finn, and he flips the first poster board, so that their cover design is now on display. Rachel looks at it for a minute, remembers when she and Finn were in the same position, her fingertips pressing against his jaw, his nose brushing hers, and her breath catches in her throat.

She hears a clearing of a throat, and she blinks a few times, trying to push the memory away, the feelings of his skin against hers, his lips against her neck, but suddenly she's realizing that she's _this close_ to losing him, and she can't let herself push him away. She loves him, and she needs him, and when she glances over at him and sees his confused expression, all she wants to do is march over to him, wrap her arms around his neck, and kiss him senseless.

She suddenly wishes she'd realized this sooner, that this feeling is more important than potentially losing him to protect herself.

"Our cover," he says, slowly, still watching her, "reflects this ideal, as Rachel will explain."

She smiles at him, and she thinks all of the love she has for him is going to spill over, and she wonders how she ever thought pushing this away was a good idea, because now that she accepts that she loves him and that's all that matters, she wants nothing more than to tell him, despite the fact that she's in what is arguably the biggest presentation of her career.

"Rachel?" Tina prods, and Rachel glances at her, then back at Finn, and her grin widens.

He looks confused, but he smiles back.

"The cover," she starts, and her voice wavers a little bit, but she presses onward, and her eyes don't leave Finn's face, "reflects that pull of attraction, the kind that, even if you try to resist it, you can't, because it represents something that is meant to be, something that defies all laws of nature. These two people – well, this vampire and this girl – love each other, despite every sign that says they shouldn't." Finn's just sort of looking at her, an unfamiliar expression on his face, and she turns to face the rest of the room. "It's marketable because it's the type of love that people want to have, that type of feeling that not everyone can be so lucky to experience." She glances back over at Finn, and she has to bite her lip to keep from giggling at the confused expression on his face.

"People will buy this book, not only because it tells a good story, but because it tells the story that everyone secretly wishes they could live," Rachel says, "and I think that that's what we should play off of."

She takes a deep breath in and trades places with Finn, and briefly, she reaches out and brushes her fingers against his. She sees his lips curl into a small smile.

* * *

Their proposal is approved, and Rachel practically tackles Finn once Emma tells them she loved it and Will says they'll get started on the more concrete plans as soon as possible. Finn catches her, his arms wrapping around her waist, and she's missed being so close to him. She wishes she hadn't been so stupid the last couple of days.

"Come over to my place to celebrate later," she whispers against his neck, and he pulls back to look at her, eyebrows raised.

"You sure?"

She nods. "I'm sure." She wants to tell him she loves him right now, in this moment, but she saves it for later. She wants it to be special; she thinks he deserves that much.

He's smiling, and he asks if he can come over right after work. She tells him yes, stands on her tiptoes to press her lips against his cheek, and she's missed this, being so close to him.

He pulls away after a minute, says he has to go confirm some things about the book tour with Will, but he leans down and presses his mouth lightly against hers before he leaves. She smiles against his lips, and she's glad that things aren't so awkward between them, even though she knows she still has some things to fix, and she fully plans on making it up to him later.

After he leaves, she stands there, in the conference room, her fingers pressed against her mouth. She just wants to stay in this moment, consumed with Finn and loving Finn and being loved by Finn, for as long as possible.

Tina quickly ruins this, poking her head into the room and hissing, "Rachel! Are you just going to stand there all day? Emma's been sitting in your office for ten minutes already, waiting to go over more in-depth cover ideas!"

"I'm coming," Rachel assures her, but she can't stop smiling as she follows Tina back out into the office.

"Why are you so happy?" Tina asks, an accusing note in her voice. "You were practically devastated this morning."

"I love Finn," Rachel says, and she thinks it might be the first time she's said it aloud. It certainly feels fresh on her tongue.

"I know," Tina says and she sounds confused. "I thought that was the problem?"

"Not anymore," Rachel says.

Tina just gives her a weird look, but she shakes her head. "I need to go meet with Emma, but I'll call you later tonight, okay?"

"Okay," Tina says slowly, and she still looks confused. She pauses, then adds, "This is a good thing?"

"The best," Rachel promises.

Tina smiles. "I'm glad, Rach."

Rachel smiles. "Me, too."

Then she heads into her cubicle, certain that the smile is never going to fade from her face.

* * *

Finn arrives at her apartment moments after she gets there, and she barely has time to open up the door before he's cupping her face in his hands and pressing his lips urgently against hers. She lets out a small gasp of surprise, but then she kisses him back, her arms looping around his neck.

"You were amazing today," he breathes when he pulls away, his eyes dark and his hair already sticking up a bit. "I think the stuff you said about the cover was the real selling point."

"I don't know, I think your incredibly detailed book tour blueprint was the selling point," she murmurs back, fingers playing with his hair.

"No, baby, it was all you," he whispers, dipping his head down to nip lightly at her neck.

Her heartbeat accelerates at the term of endearment, and she pulls back for a minute. "Wait, Finn, wait, I need to apologize for being so weird the last couple of days—"

"You don't need to apologize," he begins, but she shakes her head.

"Yes, I do. I've been terrible to you these past few days, distant and awkward and—"

"You weren't ready, Rach, I get it," he says quietly, his gaze imploring. "It was too much, too fast, and I shouldn't've—"

"I was scared," she says instead, "because I feel the exact same way about you. And that's – that's scary, Finn. I – I didn't want to – to give you my heart completely because I was still afraid of getting hurt, and – and part of me is _still _scared, but today, in the conference room, talking about the book I realized that the risk is part of it." He's looking at her intently, but he doesn't make to interrupt, so she continues on. "I just have to trust that you love me, and I love you, and I think…" She takes a deep breath in, rubs her hand down his arm. "I think I'm finally ready to do that."

"So…" Finn says slowly. "You…?"

She smiles, cups his cheeks with her hands. "I love you," she tells him, each word slow and deliberate. "I don't know how or when it happened, but I'm in love with you, Finn Hudson, so it looks like you're stuck with me."

He grins, and she squeals as she's suddenly swept off her feet and carried over to her couch. He sets her down before crawling on top of her, peppering kisses across her face, his hand on her hip, fingers threatening to slide underneath her dress. "I love you, Rachel Berry," he murmurs against her collar bone. "And I'm really not going to break your heart, I promise."

"I love you, too," she whispers, cupping his chin and bringing his face up to hers. "And I know. And I'm going to try really hard to not break yours as well. I think I almost did, and I—"

He cuts her off with a kiss, keeping his forehead pressed against hers. "It doesn't matter now," he insists, "because you're here, and I'm here, and we love each other."

She smiles, nuzzles her nose against his. "We do," she agrees.

"You know," he murmurs against her lips, "we're kind of like Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth after all, because despite their differences, they fell in love in the end, didn't they?"

Rachel rolls her eyes, but she just kisses him again. "I did tell you we were celebrating, didn't I?" she murmurs, fluttering her eyelashes at him, a hand rooted in his hair.

He just smiles, pressing her further into the couch, his hand sliding up her thigh. She giggles, kisses him again as he slides up her dress, and she wonders what she could've been so afraid of.

She doesn't remember ever being so happy as she is in this moment, and it's all thanks to Finn.

* * *

**thank you all so so much for sticking with this story even though it's been a while, and i hope you'll still stick around! i promise it won't be another seven months before the update this time! you're all truly amazing :)**


End file.
